30 May 2013
Is This Weather Making Me Crazy??
I was thinking last night that for some who have just started reading the blog, they may wonder why it's called A Perfect Extra Chromosome. Last post was all about my fears and anxiety around mommy groups. I bet some people were like, does the mom have an extra chromosome? WHO??
So, just in case you have just started reading the blog, the little bean that I am cooking has the perfect extra chromosome. :)
I can't write about Little Bean all of the time as I don't always have a lot to say while she is still all snug inside of me. I am looking forward though to writing about all of her strengths and milestones and how much she blesses our lives.
I have been thinking more and more about what she will look like, what will the severity of the Down Syndrome be, will she have severe speech issues, will she develop health concerns after she is born?? I have received several messages since I started the blog and they have all been supportive and I truly appreciate it. I hear that people are proud of us and fully support our decision to continue this journey. I sometimes wonder what decision everybody else would make?? This was something that we never expected, so we never discussed that there could be a chance that baby would have any genetic gifts or health concerns. You ASSUME that all will be just fine. I have such ups and downs and usually now, I just internalize and don't share as much with the family. I don't know how many times I can say the same thing over again to family and friends, that I am scared and I do worry. I've heard from others that she is just a baby and she is our baby. I totally get that but I feel that we are headed into this with so many obstacles, so many hurdles. I think with a child with no known concerns, you just kind of take it all in stride. They hit their milestones, maybe a month or two after others, but they do it. I have the concern that this little one, it will take such a long time to crawl, walk, speak and oh, the thought of toilet training. I worry that my expectations will be set so high and then when she doesn't achieve them or it takes a long time, I will feel like I failed as a parent. I know the reality, I do, so having others tell me to take it one day at a time is all nice, but then I think about my own personality and the fact that I am a teacher, sometimes has its downfalls. I don't need for my children to be geniuses or win all of the sports awards at school but I want them to be.....I don't know the word. Normal is not the word. Average is not the word. Maybe I want them to be independent in the classroom and at home. I don't want my kids to have an aide or wear diapers at age 3 or have to visit the doctor on a regular basis. Does this make me sound like a bad mom?
My brother in law, who keeps things in perspective for me, tells me that I just need to relax. He said the other day that it's good to be prepared for the worst but honestly Krista, expect the best. Maybe she is 1% Down Syndrome. I loved when he said that to me. I know that the family will love her unconditionally, I'm not worried about that. I am worried about being the best mom that I can possibly be. I am worried that I don't do everything that I should be doing for my kids. I worry that I fail and that I don't do all that is necessary to ensure that both of these girls achieve their goals. I worry that this little bean gets more attention and I don't realize it and poor Brinley gets neglected. I worry that Brinley will resent her sister. I worry that what if one day, Brinley gets sick. I worry, I worry, I worry.
Oh for crap sakes, now I'm bawling and can't see the screen.
I am going to meet a friend today for lunch in the city and I am looking forward to it. She just had a beautiful baby boy and am looking forward to some snuggles. It's a good day to get out. :)
I just wanted to send a HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR FRIEND KIMMY!! I hope it's an amazing day! You deserve nothing but the best.
Happy Thursday to my friends and family. xoxoxo