30 April 2013

Sneezing and Peeing....

Oh geeze, I feel crappy and want to crawl into a hole and sleep or whine, I think whining would be more fun! I think I may have overdone it at the Comic Con :) and the horrible shoes and the poopy dinner and the over watered plants.....as I said before, Krista and pregnancy are not a good mix.
I cancelled my OB appointment today but she still wants me to go to the hospital out here to get baby's heart checked. I think I will go tomorrow. I don't feel like getting ready, it's going to be a lazy day.

My dear friend Teree sent this to me this morning. I am so excited for her...a brand new baby this Friday!! Sending her love and hugs. xo 

Nausea Pops

3 cups strawberries, hulled & quartered
2 bananas, sliced
1 cup blueberries
1 cup apple juice
1 cup Greek yogurt, vanilla
2 Tbsp. honey
1 Tbsp fresh grated ginger

1. Wash and chop fruit and add to blender.
2. Add remaining ingredients to blender and blend on high until smooth.
3. Fresh ginger is more potent and works best but substitute powdered if it's all you have.
4. Pour into popsicle molds/paper cups with pop sticks or whatever works.
5. Freeze, enjoy and feel better!

Note: They are especially good when delivered to you in bed first thing in the morning

When the girls are a bit older, I will return. I love teaching, I love making a difference, I love kids, I love attitude, I love seeing that light bulb flicker. It's the best profession in the whole world.

Happy Tuesday!! :)

29 April 2013

Kraft Dinner and Raisin Bran.....

Ok, so Comic Con....

My story.....we arrived at Comic Con before 1:oopm and saw that the fee for parking on the Stampede Grounds has gone up, yet again. It's now 15 dollars. It used to be $3.50, I remember those days. We didn't even get to park past the parking gates, it was outside of that, but still had to pay $15.00. Got to the Big Four building and saw a huge line up, we were safe, that was for the die-hards wanting autographs. Went in, got our bands and moved onto one of the halls. It was CRAZY!!! It was packed and filled with very cool costumes and lots of boobs. Boobs everywhere, like everywhere. James was set for the day. Me, on the other hand, didn't have all that much to look at but got pretty darn excited when I saw the lemonade stand. I have been craving lemonade for months and drinking too much of it, but I got excited!! I didn't need any Super Heroes costumes, I had lemonade and it ONLY cost $6.00 for a large. What a bargain!??!?!?!?

Not the best picture but still cute! :))

There were lots of comics, lots of toys and lots of very excited Comic Con fans! We stayed for a few hours, took Brinley to the Kid's Zone and let her cruise around in a mini car. I thought she would have made a scene and I warned the guy, nope, she honked the horn and even let momma take her picture. It was sweet. By this time, my feet were killing, my lower back was spazzing and I was hungry. I'm guessing that the body pain was from wearing my flip flops that are so worn out that they should have made their way to the garbage, let's say, 3 to 4 years ago. My fault.

Hey James, let's go for a yummy, delish meal at Red Lobster. YES!!!!! So, of course I ordered a lemonade, holy crap, it was sugar, all sugar. Baby Bean woke up at that point. Kick, punch, sugar rush!! Ordered our food, got Brinley the macaroni and cheese. It'll be a fancy mac and cheese and she'll gobble it up because she must be hungry. It was Kraft Dinner....what a let down. Dad put a scoop in B's mouth and it came right back out. She ate part of a biscuit and her orange slices. Our meal sucked too. Boo hoo on the great meal.

Stopped off at the folk's house to water the plants. They are home today from their 2 week Hawaiian cruise, poor mom and dad. It's a rough, rough life. ;) Brinley fell asleep so I ran in, let me rephrase that, I slowly limped into the house. Watered the plants and was leaving a note when I heard dripping water, more like a running faucet. Oh for crap sakes, I over-watered the plants. Water everywhere. I hurt, I'm hot and I'm hungry. Grab the turkey baster and a jug, suck water out of the dish. Ok, all done. Wipe it up and get going. No...faucet again. Honestly, how much water did I actually give this plant. After 10 minutes of sucking up water, now I'm nauseous and even hotter. I'm  done, towel under the plant and run, well limp out of the house.

Homeward bound!

Get home, get B to bed. She crashed. Excellent!! I'm hungry, so I decide that since James has been breaking rule #2 lately and not seeming to really care, I will have a huge bowl of raisin bran and do a little payback! I'm so mature! Well, payback was short lived, I crashed and James went and cleaned the bathrooms, I think.

So, all in all, a great day. ;)

Going to meet a friend for lunch today. Hopefully I can move, maybe I should bring a donut for my butt. I think my 90 year old Nan used to have one.

Happy Monday!

28 April 2013

Geeks and Speed Dating....

It's Sunday and we are off to Comic Con today, yes, you read that right, Comic Con!! I think I'm going to have my go at Geek Speed Dating....pregnant chick walks in, what are my chances?? I'm not a comic reader nor am I really interested in the Super Powers world but James mentioned the other day that it would be fun to check it out. I looked for some tickets on Kijiji but people are willing to pay hundreds for these tickets, I am not.
My dear friend Chrissy got us hooked up yesterday with 2 tickets and we actually paid under face value. I love honest and wonderful people. I also look at this as my hubby could be interested in porn and Ashley Madison, instead he wants to go to Comic Con. I love my husband. <3

Yesterday, I connected with a new friend from the States. She told me that she enjoys reading my blog and to keep at it! I still find it crazy that people are actually reading my blog. It's flattering and sometimes surreal...yes, that seems like a big thing to say, but it is crazy that people care what I am doing, what I'm thinking, my worries , fears and my wickedly bizarre thoughts.
Anyways....I asked her to tell me her story. I just wished she lived closer so I could give her a hug. She was in a long term relationship, 24, educated and seemingly, life was right on track. I'm going to make a long story short....they discovered that baby showed some markers for Down Syndrome so it was suggested to go for more intensive testing. Now this is where I just don't understand the States, we walk into any hospital and are seen and taken care of, no matter what. This poor girl, had to find a hospital that her insurance would cover. WHAT??? This hospital was a four hour drive from her home. It turns out that baby boy had quite a few markers for Down Syndrome and the amnio confirmed the diagnosis. Her boyfriend ended up leaving her and told her that he was going to remove THEIR son from his insurance plan, so she was on her own. She is currently putting herself through school, 6 months pregnant, a son who will have to had heart surgery as well as other services and he wants to remove HIS son from his insurance plan. I'm guessing the state will take care of that cowardly action. This lovely girl is optimistic and looking forward to meeting her little boy. She loves him, she wants him and she is going to be an unbelievable momma. I am so proud of her and how she has been dealing with all of the craziness in her life. Now this is a roller coaster and makes me think about my own life at this moment....a husband who fully supports me, loves me and who will be by my side until the end. Now, if he decides that this is not what he wants.....well, I won't write what I will do to him, it could bring about charges of threat. ;)

I forgot to tell you how the newspaper interview went....
It was awesome and my words actually flowed. The other good part was that the interviewer asked who he should direct the questions to.....HA!! HA!! HA!! Yes, perfect, that would be me.  :) Now when James was asked a question, I actually kept my mouth shut and let him speak his own words. I did good! :) My heart melted when James said that he loves this little girl unconditionally and can't wait to meet her and hold her. He's such a good man.

I need to hop in the shower and get ready...I think I may dress up as a pregnant, out of shape Superwoman. I'm sure the speed daters will come a runnin'!!

Brinley likes costumes too!! :)
Happy Sunday!!

27 April 2013

Steak and Morons....

Last night, I went to The Keg with my friend Mel. It was so grown up and fancy and yummy and fun!! I had the steak oscar and it was delish! I really enjoyed a couple of hours being an adult even though I don't really act like and adult, I looked like one at least. :) I wasn't on a schedule and I didn't have to bring a diaper bag into the restaurant nor did I have to take a bite, feed a baby, take a bite, feed a baby. I have to admit though, when I'm out, I miss Brinley. It's such a good feeling to connect with friends, but I also get excited to come back home and see my baby....and I guess.....my husband. ;) Came out to get in the vehicle and some moron was so close to my door that I couldn't get it open. I had to yell at Mel who was across the parking lot, to come back and help me. She had to go through the passenger door, crawl across the centre console and reverse the vehicle. Really buddy, are you that inconsiderate. Good lord. Poo on you!!!!!
My friend Shauna sent me this article. I loved it because although it is directed to parents with kids who have special needs, it really does apply to all parents. It's worth the read.
It is written by Eliana Tardio.

Here are my tips for handling stress in hard times.
  • Count your blessings. My son has been ill for more than six weeks with a serious lung condition as a result of asthma and repeated respiratory infections during the winter. Instead of focusing on my lack of sleep, the financial strain, and medical prognosis or declaring this to be the toughest time of our lives, I have decided to count the blessings of having good people around us for this experience. I’m grateful for the doctors, the nurses, the ER personnel and all the incredible people who find fulfilment while volunteering at hospitals. They bring joy and hope to us through small gestures like bringing us a teddy bear, a therapy dog to say Hi to the kids or even an extra portion of fries and ketchup.
  • Exercise patience. Understand that most solutions are not immediate, and that getting anxious will not change anything except make the stress harder to handle. In the personal case of my child, I know it will take time for him to get back to his typical routine, so I have two options: get desperate and stressed about all my pending work, or accept that there are things that can wait, be rescheduled and moved to a lower rank on my list of priorities while I take care of my son. 
  • Celebrate real friends. Real friends are always close by, and they’ll be the first ones to show up if needed. Don’t expect them to keep track of your needs on your behalf, as everybody is busy in their own world. But they will be there to support you if you tell them you need them. Many times friends don’t have an answer or cure-all solution either, but they can help you just by listening and reminding you of how great you are. Perhaps they help by giving you a break by taking care of your child for few hours or helping out with stuff that you have not been able to do at home. Laundry, taking out the garbage can, or just holding your hand without saying a single word are all ways that real friends can be more valuable than any solution to your predicament.
  • Make a plan. We lose patience and self-control when we feel lost and unable to keep track of our lives. Creating a basic plan that includes simple techniques or reminders of the things you need to do to keep going will keep you motivated and focused on your goals instead of allowing yourself to feel down, bombarded with tasks that seem impossible to accomplish.
  • Schedule. Buy a big wall planner and use it for scheduling all the things going on your life. Checking off accomplished items when done will help you feel proud and hopeful. Use a different schedule for setting your child´s needs like medications, therapies and medical appointments. Keep everyone organized to stay on top of things and bring you a feeling of accomplishment and control.
Life as a parent of children with special needs is not always easy. After getting through the most unimaginably tough times, we become stronger and more determined people both individually and as a family. Gracefully handling the stress of raising children with special needs is a learned art and, for me, being able to share that hope with others is the real gift of learning how to handle difficult times.

Lastly, the newspaper interview went well. It was perfect because the interviewer asked who he should direct the questions to. Perfect!! Pick me!! Pick me!!!! James had his turn as well and I never interrupted once. Pat on the back for Krista. :)
Brinley taking her first steps yesterday!! :))
Happy Saturday to you!!

26 April 2013

Not Again.....

I really didn't want to talk about poop anymore and after today, I am done, possibly, at least  for a while. Last night, I dreamt about poop the entire night after me being all silly and writing about it..HA!!! HA!!! I'm so funny. I dreamt that poop was being served to me on really fancy platters, I dreamt that there was poop covering my front lawn. It was horrible and it lasted all night. I need to get back to my first trimester dreams cause this is gross and out of control.

Onto the next topic. We have our interview with the local newspaper today and we are looking forward to it. It's exciting that others want to write about us and our little story. I hope I'm articulate and get my thoughts out. I hope I don't cut James off too many times and I hope that Brinley controls her diarrhea for just that hour. Darn, poop talk again. We have decided to cut out her formula for a few days just to see if she has developed a sensitivity to it, cause after the load she dropped yesterday and me gagging and her foot going in it and me gagging, it's got to end. Ok, no more poop talk.

I am happy that the sun had decided to make an appearance, now we can get out more and take some walks around the community. I'm always in good spirits during the day, but as I mentioned before, sometimes the nights are more difficult. I like that James always goes to bed later then me and is beside me. I get my nightly back tickle which calms me down, but I am still a bit anxious at bedtime. I honestly get tired of thinking, I get tired of worrying about Brinley and the new little bean. I get tired of getting tired which then makes me more tired. You get me?? I tell myself constantly, day by day and I can't control everything. Let it go Krista.

Next thought, I was talking to my momma a while back and mentioned to her that most women in my position are back at work and full time. I would be in a nut house if I was working full time. How do you get a baby up, get them ready for a day home and get yourself ready and make it to work on time??? How is this possible? How are you not like a robot? Is it the coffee that keeps you going? I just couldn't imagine, but it's reality. I don't even think that women in the US get a full year off. I need sleep in order to function. I'll head back to work some time, but not when they are babies. James bought a lottery ticket today! I feel lucky! :)

Next thought, I was watching that ridiculous show, The View yesterday and was actually interested in one of their Hot Topics. They were discussing having guns in the house and if you would let your child go over to a house where you knew they had weapons. What if you didn't know? I don't know, maybe it's different here in Canada, but I don't hear about people having guns in the house. I guess it really isn't lunch conversation. James has his gun license and I asked him if we could have a gun in our home. Yup, we can. The thought of having weapons in the house, even if they were in a safe, freaks me out. Having my kids go over to a house where they have guns also scares me to death. I hear stories about kids getting into safes or geeze, as easy as the nightstand and shooting each other on accident. I want your thoughts. I think that if anything, I would have to rely on my kung fu moves and my verbal abilities. I'm sure anybody would take off once I break out the kung fu and nobody would want to stick around to hear what would come out of my mouth. I could hear it now "ok lady, we're leaving, just stop talking and flailing your body everywhere. Dude, we picked the wrong house, she is crazy!!"

Happy, sunny and lovely Friday to you all. :)

25 April 2013

Full Bladder....

We had our echo yesterday and it went smashingly well. What didn't go well, was the hour drive to the hospital with a very full bladder and a husband who is 6'3" and thinks he is always running a marathon. For the first time ever, I actually considered pulling my pants down in the middle of the medical building and peeing on the floor. It was that bad. Then, it got worse when James said "hey look, there's a bathroom, too bad you can't use it."
"Hey, guess what James? You can get lost." Insert multiple inappropriate words all throughout the previous sentences. As many as you possibly can!!!

Poor Karen!

Spent some time with our genetics counsellor, Karen, who is absolutely delightful and wonderful and who has become a friend. Karen was one of the first people we spoke too even before we knew the results. She was realistic and supportive and willing to do anything to help make the journey a bit smoother. She is so pleased that we have decided to continue with the pregnancy. I told her that she needed to start reading the blog now and she would learn even more GREAT things about me! I think I scared her a bit yesterday. :)

The echo took a while as this little bean honestly does not stop moving. We couldn't get Brinley to move during ultrasounds, but this one, she is on the move constantly. Her measurements are great and her little heart shows no medical concerns. They did come across one small thing, her heart has a little hiccup, it palpitates. I will have to go to the OB for weekly visits just to monitor her little heart and make sure that it doesn't worsen. The doctor said that this happens often with babies and not to be concerned, just monitor. It will hopefully fix itself in the near future. We didn't get a good look at her profile yesterday, just focused on her heart. The Foothills Hospital is awesome and so diligent and professional. We appreciate all of their care and support.

I love this!!
Looking forward to my date on Friday with my dear friend. My one night this week to focus on me and my well being. It won't involve booze or a beach but I'm excited to catch up and have some good laughs. I hope you have your one night or afternoon planned. I'm following the advice from my bartender at Cocktails and Dreams (hopefully you've read previous posts) and I am providing you with all of this great advice free of charge! You should listen. :) 
I hope you have a delightful Thursday!

24 April 2013

Change the World and Poop....

Well, I decided yesterday that I need to take more action and get my name out there, get the blog out there and let everybody know that I am here to change the world. I emailed 3 newspapers, first interview on Friday, People, Canadian Living, Woman's World, and Parents. I also posted the blog on more then half a dozen Down Syndrome sites.  I am on my way. As I have said before, it's not the views, well it sort of is I guess, it really is about getting it out there. I was astonished to hear that around 90% of women terminate their pregnancy when they get a positive diagnosis for Trisomy 21. I am pro-choice, so whatever decision you make, I believe you have made the best choice for your family. I just know that if more families were connected to the right resources and shared their story with others, they would realize that they can make it. It's doable.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not always confident nor do I feel that I have everything in order in my mind. I am still scared. I still have fears. I still worry about whether or not I can do this....BUT, I feel better, I feel stronger and I have the support from so many.

So little Brinley had the runs yesterday. As kids get older, their poo gets wicked gross.  Yesterday, I noticed something coming through the leg of her sleeper....AHHHH...IT'S THE DIARRHEA!!! Carry her upstairs, holding her under the armpits so there is no touching or chance of coming in contact with poop! Poor little girl...change her, bring her back downstairs. Well, if it doesn't happen again. She hides when she poops, so she disappeared behind the couch, reappeared with red eyes and a red nose. Mommy says "Brinley, did you poo?"
Brinley looks at mom and says "Yesh."
Back upstairs and change again. I used to have adult conversations..I used to just wipe my own butt. In a few months, I will be wiping an added butt!! Oh goodness!
Now don't get me wrong, I would much rather be wiping butts then not wiping butts. Thank God, James can wipe his own. :))

Our echo is today at 9:45am. I am a bit nervous. A bit scared. I just want her little heart to be ok, in good shape with no cardiac concerns. Send prayers and good thoughts our way today. :)

I just realized that I went from wanting to run the world to poo to baby's echo! I think I need medication to keep me focused and on track. Oh, by the way, James has failed miserably at rule #2 lately and has gotten some serious verbal whoopins from moi!!

I'm totally done with poop talk for now! :)

I hope everybody has a wonderful day!! A special hug for Jenny and her Tribe. xoxox

23 April 2013

Random Thoughts.....

First, I was reading a blog a while back and a young couple found out that they were having a precious little one with Down Syndrome. They were devastated and unsure of what route they would take in the near future. The couple decided to continue with the pregnancy and did get to the point where they were extremely excited and looking forward to meeting their little bean. The point to my story...later on in the pregnancy, the husband said to his wife, I would be disappointed if this little one came into the world and didn't have Down Syndrome. Made me smile. <3

Second (I feel I need to number my thoughts, darn teacher in me), I went to therapy at Cocktails and Dreams yesterday. It was a really great session. It's an hour of talking and laughing and deciding on what I can do for myself and my well-being. For the next 2 weeks, I am to work on me time. Doing things with friends, going to get a massage, a pedicure. Deborah said that I need to take at least one day a week where I focus on just me, treating myself with some self lovin'. I think that all of you should do this. It doesn't have to be a whole day, just part of one where you are out with no kids and no husband. All about you! I am going to follow her advice.

Third, I know that people are reading my blog and I'm guessing that some of you are enjoying it as I think you are coming back for more. What I don't know is who exactly is reading about my crazy life. Last night, my sister told me that a teacher she knows is reading my blog and it is helping her deal with some of her fears during her pregnancy. Ange told me that her baby has some physical abnormalities as well as some other medical conditions. When she told me this, it made me feel so great that I am actually helping others and that other women are getting comfort and reassurance from my words. Thank you! Please know that I am also feeling comfort when you share your stories with me...you are helping me with my journey.

Forth, I know that several of you have shared my blog through Facebook as well as have put it on your own blogs. I truly appreciate this, more then you know. I wanted to list a bunch of friends who have been amazing, supportive and so kind throughout this journey. I decided against naming specific people as I will probably leave one person out then feel like crap because I forgot. You know who you are and I love you.  This sounded like an academy awards speech....maybe one day I will beat out Kelle Hampton and win the award for best blog. I just need around 20 million more views. :) Maybe I shouldn't have included her name, I probably just added to her views. Darn.

I can be so emotional

Lastly, I dropped my sister off at her friend's house last night. They are headed to Cabo today for a well deserved vacation. She'll be gone for a week, not long but I get all teary saying goodbye . I am such a hormonal freak.

I hope you have a wonderful and beautiful Tuesday. :)

22 April 2013

Cocktails and Dreams.....

Still looking for more name suggestions. I've had a number of you send me Facebook messages because your comments aren't posting on the blog. Publish your comment under Open ID and see if that works for you. :)

We are now 22 weeks pregnant and Baby Bean is a movin' and a shakin'. She loves food and lets me know every time I eat. So far, I'm loving her little punches, but I'll let you know how I'm feeling in a couple of months. My sister asked me yesterday how far along I was, I told her and she for sure thought I should at least be at the 8 month mark. I (we) feel like I've been pregnant forever....like seriously, forever. :) I told James that if he got me pregnant again, I would hurt him, pregnancy and Krista are not a good mix!! The end result is amazing and wonderful but getting there sucks! Oh woe is me!! :)

I'm sure you've had enough of my dreams but last night I had another one. I was back to teaching elementary and we were rehearsing for a play. All the kids were listening to me, so we know for sure it was a dream. :)  It was time for a lunch break, there were a few kids in my class with Down Syndrome, sweet little kiddies. Some of the Down Syndrome kids were eating their lunch all alone but some of the regular ed kids were also eating all alone. I've never liked that and have always encouraged the kids to include others. I did this in my dream as well, I told the kids to include all students and how important it is to eat lunch with others. The students all listened and everybody had at least one friend to spend the lunch hour with, laughing and having a good time. When I woke up, I think my concerns are that this little one will be excluded from lunches and activities. I want to make sure that she has friends who will respect her and want to spend time playing and laughing. That is so  important to me. I'm thinking though that maybe all parents feel this way about their kids. You want them to have a great network of friends who participate in healthy activities and who respect each other. Oh the worries we have as parents. Day by day!!

The sun is shining today, for once, so I think it's going to be a great day. I am going for therapy this afternoon, not retail therapy or booze therapy :), but actual therapy. I've been once and enjoyed Deborah, the therapist. As I mentioned before, it was nice discussing my worries with somebody outside of my network of friends and family. I'll see how today goes. I am not a huge fan of walking into a building with the words Addictions and Mental Health in large writing on the front door. Maybe I should wear a disguise. Last time, I felt that if somebody saw me, they probably thought I was some trashy pregnant woman trying to get off of crack and heroin. Maybe they could change the name to....Happy Place or Ton Of Fun or Cocktails and Dreams?? Just a thought.

Echo on Wednesday.  A little nervous and a little excited. I will keep you updated. :)

My hair doesn't always cooperate! :)

21 April 2013

Dinner and Barf.....

This is what it is like at the in-laws when we go over for dinner. :)

Last night we had dinner with the in-laws for James' dad's birthday. I love it when others do the cooking and all I have to do is eat the food. We had salad, steak, ribs, stuffed potatoes, veggies and my fave, carrot cake for dessert. It was so delicious!!
I forgot to mention that for the appetizers, we had salad rolls, lettuce wraps and crackers with dip. Honestly, could life get any better?? Yup..it could have because the entire night I had the worst heartburn and indigestion, from my ribcage all the way to my belly button. Up almost all night. Wish I could have narrowed it down to what I ate. HA! HA!! HA!!! 

At the very end of our meal, Ashlyn (niece), got up and barfed her brains out beside the table. Everybody just let it happen, mind you, I guess there isn't much you can do. Her parents were so calm, barf, barf, barf. I jump up and have this mini panic...oh goodness, she's barfing. Finished barfing, Nana cleaned it up and on with dessert. I am that parent, I can't handle sick kids, especially my own. They just said "it happens." Oh, how I want to be that parent. "Oh, my kid is barfing, how's the weather??" In reality, I will be the parent that says "HOLY SH*%!! MY KID IS BARFING, SOMEBODY HELP ME, I CAN'T CLEAN THAT UP, OH MY LORD, GET A BUCKET, JAMES, COME HOME, JAMES COME TAKE CARE OF HER." I am not a good barfing mom. Maybe I can hire somebody to help during those times. :)

Now I feel ill. No more barf talk.

Brinley makes me laugh, because when she is at home, she talks non stop and is always full of expression and is very passionate when she's having a 'conversation' with you. She giggles, plays games, interacts with her daddy and mommy, but when you take her out, she is quiet and just looks around. She soaks everything in that is going on around her. It usually takes her around 20 minutes to relax and start interacting. She came out of her shell last night at dinner time, I think it's because food makes her happy....when she isn't picky. I love her little personality, quiet yet a little spicy.

We are off to Ange and Bob's today for Sunday family dinner. Ange is heading to Cabo on Tuesday while I stay in this winter hell. I think James and I need a vacation with little Miss B. Any suggestions? Short flight, not too pricey, virgin drinks :(, speedos, sun, beach, men feeding me grapes and fanning me.......

Have a great Sunday! :)

20 April 2013

My Dream....

I have to tell you all about my dream last night. So besides the headache caused by this crazy weather, I had the most unsettling dream.
Both my sister and I were pregnant (Ange will freak out reading that she was pregnant.) I delivered at 32 weeks. A little too early, but when baby was delivered, I looked at her and she was beautiful and perfect. She looked just like Brinley. :) I forgot that Baby Bean had Down Syndrome, so I was content that she seemed happy and healthy. They took the baby to the NICU, I didn't think anything of it, I had just delivered and was tired. Once I started feeling better, I went to go see Baby Bean in the NICU, which was set up like a library. It was bizarre. The nurse took me to her after cleaning our hands and doing a full scrub down. When I saw baby, I said to the nurse that she had Down Syndrome and I started to cry. I cried so hard in my dream. I couldn't stop crying, but everybody in the NICU just went about their business. I felt all alone, just so sad. The nurse who took me to see our baby, handed her to me. She was so sweet and so new and so ours. The nurse looked at me and said "it's going to be alright." My dream ended.

When I woke up, my head hurt even more and I was sad. I also felt drained. I'm pretty sure that all my energy went into that dream last night. Besides feeling sad, I also felt calm, I don't know if that makes any sense to you?? I'm not so great at interpreting dreams but I see it as Baby Collins was delivered and to us she was just perfect and all ours. We didn't see that she had Down Syndrome, just this little girl who will rely on us to provide her with love, support and nourishment. I think the visit to the NICU, once I was feeling settled, was when some fears set in. The fear of what's next?? What do I do now?

I know that it's going to all work out. I had some of the same fears with Brinley. Day by day. That is it.

I miss my sex dreams!! :)

Brinley decided yesterday that she wanted to prove to her mommy and daddy that she could miss her morning nap and be a big, strong and alert little girl. She made it until 1:30pm, took a 2.5 hour nap then was exhausted again at 6:00pm. She was actually happy and pleasant, which surprised us BUT it made it kind of a long day. I didn't realize just how much that morning nap is appreciated by...ME!! It gives me the chance to shower, do bottles and get some cleaning accomplished. I got worried yesterday.....below is a picture of today at 11:00am. :)) Thank you Jesus!!!

Sleeping Princess
I hope that you all have a wonderful day spent with family and friends. :)

19 April 2013

Baby Names...

Ok...I know that we are only 21 weeks into the pregnancy but we are planners and we are having troubles coming up with a name. With Brinley, we knew pretty much even before we got pregnant, first and middle names.
Baby Collins is tough for us. We had a name picked out and loved it but it's quite a popular name and making its way up on the charts. We want something that is going to be just perfect!!

I've decided to have a friendly competition, I'm sure James will be fine with it all. He'll know once he reads the blog and we all know that once it's on the blog, it's permanent.
I, meaning sort of we, want you guys to come up with some suggestions. We do want it to have meaning and we want it to be a strong name but nothing too crazy and unusual. We have one or two middle names picked out so we are ok there, but we need a name for this wonderful little bean. If we choose your suggested name, you win a prize!! I am into prizes and we all love gifts. For those of you who don't know me, I give good presents. I have great taste, well I think I do, maybe my friends can vouch for me.  :)


This is a message that I received last night from a very dear friend. <3

Hi Krista - love the blog! I work with a woman, her first child, M, who is now 41, has Downs Syndrome.  Her mother offered these thought to share with you.

There are many unknowns and it is what you have to get used to - unknown. Each of these children are like all of us, unique and individual! Never lower your expectations. My M was capable because I would not listen to all the negatives, they said she would never be toilet trained, she was, they said she would never read, she reads and loves to read. We taught her all the social graces and she is well mannered, she went everywhere with me and 35 years ago when a woman stared at her, she asked what she was looking at!  I beamed - that's my M!!!!

This weekend her mother, a volunteer coach, is off to Edmonton with her daughter and a bus of Special Olympics athletes. She has 8 including her daughter who bowl. As I left today her mother, with her beautiful smile said "yes I have 8 athletes to be up Saturday at 5:30am."  I promptly replied "I guess it's showering the night before and no makeup" and she said, "well I will ask each of them if they would prefer to get up even earlier or shower Friday night - after all, they need to keep their routines." As I listened to her and could hear and see the love she had for her daughter and all of her athletes. I knew I had to share all of this with you. Krista you will be like her mother - endless love for your little bean. M has challenges, she lives independently in supported living, has friends and a loving family. Most importantly she has a family who loves her, supports her and is very proud of her and her accomplishments.
Her mother is her advocate and she is tenacious - she used to volunteer for the Downs Syndrome Association and suggested it might be a good resource for you.

I really appreciated this message. This little girl is going to change so many lives and all for the better. I am already so in love with her and can't wait to meet her and hold her and tell her that she is the most beautiful and perfect little girl. It's going to be a long and busy journey, but we can do it. Raising kids is hard..period.

Lastly, a post from Amy Julia Becker. Thank you to my wonderful friend Cheryl for sending this to me yesterday. :)

You think Down syndrome means tragedy, and people will compare your experience to that of losing a child in a car accident or to cancer or some other horrible fate. And though you will experience a sense of loss, you will realize eventually that you have lost a hypothetical child, and that the child right in front of you, this child, with her sparkling eyes and crooked teeth and warm soft hand, this child is a blessing. In time, because of the privilege of knowing and loving her, you will realize that your grief has turned to gratitude and that your worry has turned to wonder.
You think Down syndrome means isolation, but you will discover that it brings a world of connections. It’s not only that you will now feel a bond with other parents of children with Down syndrome throughout the country and around the globe. It’s that having a child who looks and acts somewhat different from what you expected, a child who you see as beautiful and funny and kind and smart and brave, will help you to recognize that same beauty in everyone else. You will think your world has become smaller, when it has only begun to grow.
You think that Down syndrome means hardship, for you and your daughter. As with any child, you’re right. There will be sleepless nights. There will be doctor’s visits. There will be a time when you find her sitting up in bed with eyes sunken into her head from dehydration after a stomach flu, and you will rush her to the hospital and she will stay for two days. There will be meetings with her teachers who talk about behavior plans. You will worry about her health, her ability to make friends, her future. And yet you will also realize that every life arrives with hardship. And every life arrives with the potential for inexpressible joy.
You think Down syndrome means special treatment. And other people will, with very good intentions, treat her as if she can’t learn and can’t sit still and can’t communicate. But you will believe in her abilities, and you will discover that she can sit in time out just like her little brother. That she can communicate through sign language before she is able to talk with words. That she will work harder than any kid you’ve ever known as long as she is motivated, and that even though it takes longer for her, she will learn—to read, to swim, to tie her shoes, to ride a bike, to use gentle hands with her baby sister. You will learn not to treat her as special, but as her own person, with particular struggles and particular gifts.
You think Down syndrome means giving more than you have to give. And some days it will feel that way, as it will with each of your children. But then she will come over to you, with your head in your hands after a fight with your son, and she will say, “Mom, should we pray?” She will come home from school and embrace you and say, “I had a happy day Mom!” She will give back far more than she has ever taken.
She will break your heart. Wide open. And you will be forever forever grateful.

Princess Brinley!! xo

    18 April 2013

    Keep Calm....

    Baby Collins' new onesie! :)
    I decided that Baby Collins needed a customized onesie! I think part of me had it made for myself....people will read it and see that it's all good and that this family has a great sense of humour.
    I was out for lunch yesterday with two close friends, one has her PHD in Perinatal Epidemiology and the other has worked with families of children with disabilities for the past 7 years. They are such awesome people to talk to and to get advice from, all without judgement, just love and support.
    Katie brought along some forms that I will eventually have to fill out and Emma is going to send me all of the links that are necessary for us to receive the supports and resources that will be needed in the future. Katie discussed some of the concerns that may arise but both said that it was so important to value the time when she may not need any services or surgeries or visits to the doctor. Enjoy the cuddles and snuggles, all you have to focus on is love and family time. We are really hoping for this little bean to come out healthy, without cardiac issues and other major health concerns. I am optimistic because of the results from the 18 week ultrasound. Prayers for next week's echo.


    Next...some of you know James very well and others, well you don't him at all. You know the saying about how opposites attract, yes that would be correct when it comes to personality traits. I am loud and assertive and a bit on the controlling side....my mom would say bossy but I don't think I'm bossy, I just say things in a direct manner. I totally just made myself sound like a b*%$#, I'm not at all, well, I don't think I am, here's hoping I'm not. I just think I'm straight forward. Anyways, my point is that my husband is quieter, not as assertive and is such an amazing man. I was telling a friend tonight that I have only cleaned a toilet once and that was because I barfed in it, I have never put gas in my vehicle, we share cooking, he lets me sleep in often, he rubs and scratches my back every single night, without asking for anything in return . ;)
    I wanted to touch on some of this because I do get concerned about what's going on in his head and how he is truly feeling. When we initially discussed our options, he said that he would fully support any decision that I made. I told him that his decision should not be based on what I want...that could destroy the marriage. I needed to know how he felt and I reassured him that I would not be upset no matter how he wished to proceed. This is his life too and his family and his future.
    James also does not have a huge network of friends and to be honest, I don't know how a man discusses something like this with his buddies while out for a beer. "Soooooo, just to let you all know, my wife is pregnant and the baby has Down Syndrome." Not too sure where the conversation would go from there. Maybe "oh, sorry buddy, cheers."
    James is fairly close to Bob, our brother-in-law and they have briefly discussed some concerns etc. I think my disappointment lies in that somebody who I thought was James' good friend, his closest friend, has not even contacted him to say hello, to see if James needed to talk to somebody. It breaks my heart. I want him to also have a network of support that he can go to when he has questions or worries...now please don't suggest a group of dads who sit in a circle and talk about their child who has Down Syndrome, I know that James would never go for that, but somebody who he could email some questions to or just connect with once in a while. Who knows if he would even connect with somebody....maybe this is just something that I want for him. This is all so new for James...when I asked him when we initially found out, what he knew about Down Syndrome, he said that he knew the TV show Life Goes On with Corky Thatcher and that was it...oh goodness. Advice?

    Lastly....Brinley took a 35 minute nap yesterday, in total. We were thinking about selling her on Kijiji but found out that it was illegal. Who knew?? Should she be losing that first nap already? It was hopefully just a one day thing. :) How do I shower when I have an 18 month old and a newborn? Will I ever shower again? Will I brush my teeth? Will I wear makeup? Will I win the Lotto Max and hire a nanny just to come in for an hour every day and watch the kiddies while I get ready? Oh boy....how do you do it? :)

    Just chillin'