20 April 2013

My Dream....

I have to tell you all about my dream last night. So besides the headache caused by this crazy weather, I had the most unsettling dream.
Both my sister and I were pregnant (Ange will freak out reading that she was pregnant.) I delivered at 32 weeks. A little too early, but when baby was delivered, I looked at her and she was beautiful and perfect. She looked just like Brinley. :) I forgot that Baby Bean had Down Syndrome, so I was content that she seemed happy and healthy. They took the baby to the NICU, I didn't think anything of it, I had just delivered and was tired. Once I started feeling better, I went to go see Baby Bean in the NICU, which was set up like a library. It was bizarre. The nurse took me to her after cleaning our hands and doing a full scrub down. When I saw baby, I said to the nurse that she had Down Syndrome and I started to cry. I cried so hard in my dream. I couldn't stop crying, but everybody in the NICU just went about their business. I felt all alone, just so sad. The nurse who took me to see our baby, handed her to me. She was so sweet and so new and so ours. The nurse looked at me and said "it's going to be alright." My dream ended.

When I woke up, my head hurt even more and I was sad. I also felt drained. I'm pretty sure that all my energy went into that dream last night. Besides feeling sad, I also felt calm, I don't know if that makes any sense to you?? I'm not so great at interpreting dreams but I see it as Baby Collins was delivered and to us she was just perfect and all ours. We didn't see that she had Down Syndrome, just this little girl who will rely on us to provide her with love, support and nourishment. I think the visit to the NICU, once I was feeling settled, was when some fears set in. The fear of what's next?? What do I do now?

I know that it's going to all work out. I had some of the same fears with Brinley. Day by day. That is it.

I miss my sex dreams!! :)

Brinley decided yesterday that she wanted to prove to her mommy and daddy that she could miss her morning nap and be a big, strong and alert little girl. She made it until 1:30pm, took a 2.5 hour nap then was exhausted again at 6:00pm. She was actually happy and pleasant, which surprised us BUT it made it kind of a long day. I didn't realize just how much that morning nap is appreciated by...ME!! It gives me the chance to shower, do bottles and get some cleaning accomplished. I got worried yesterday.....below is a picture of today at 11:00am. :)) Thank you Jesus!!!

Sleeping Princess
I hope that you all have a wonderful day spent with family and friends. :)


  1. I just have to say I think you're lucky to have found out about your baby having Ds before she is born. You have the chance to sort through all these many emotions and feelings. Time to educate yourself and prepare. It is a blessing...Because the day she is born will be a day of joy and excitement and celebration.

    It makes me sad that the day we found out our son had Ds was the day he was born. That on his Birthday there was such great sadness, fear, and so many tears. I wish I had had time to prepare...And I wish what was the most painful, difficult day of my life was not mingled in with his Birthday.

    I teared up when reading what the Nurse said in your dream, because so many people told me that when Russell was born and I didn't believe them...But it is true. So very, very true. And I can tell you with great confidence, everything IS going to be alright.

  2. Hi Jenny,
    What a lovely message. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me and for being so open. I am so glad that we do get to prepare ourselves now and then when she does arrive, it is nothing but love. I am sorry that you had that experience, I couldn't imagine finding out the day that you had your baby. So many thoughts, confusing, sadness and upset. Thank you for telling me that everything is going to be alright. Thank you. xo