15 November 2013

Stay At Home Moms!

Touchy subject today......

Lately, I have seen many blog posts and articles on the web regarding stay at home moms.

The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences? - Matt Walsh

Matt Walsh caused an uproar with his blog posts. Some agreed and some were disgusted by his post. I agreed with some of it, but have thought a lot about it since he posted the blog.

A stay at home mom has a huge list of jobs that she preforms all throughout the day and night.
1) Diapers
2) Feedings
3) Counsellor
4) Entertainer
5) Doctor
6) Psychologist
7) More feedings
8) Care giver
9) Taxi Driver
10) And on and on and on.....

The list is endless, I get it. If you are fortunate enough to stay at home, you are lucky. If you are able to spend the entire day with your kids, you are lucky. If you are able to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for your kids, you are lucky. If you are able to bathe your kids and read them stories at night, you are lucky. If you are able to get snuggles any time of day with your kids, you are lucky. If you get to witness the milestones, you are lucky.
I get confused why SOME stay at home moms feel that they deserve a medal, they deserve to be placed on a pedestal ALL OF THE TIME, they feel that are doing something so beyond what is expected of a human being, that they are just so tired and are never able to nap while the kids nap or while they are at school because there is just so much to get done.....I don't understand. Yes, we are tired, Yes, we lose patience. Yes, we work hard. I am confused why it is considered the toughest most underpaid job in the world. Yes, underpaid....well, actually, no pay but this is what we chose. We chose to stay at home with the kids. We chose to change diapers all day. We chose to make three meals a day plus snacks for our kids. We have so many roles but we knew what we were getting into. We knew that it would be a 24 hour a day job. We knew that we wouldn't get 12 hours of sleep at night. We knew that when we feel like shit, we still have to run the house. We made this decision when we discussed with our partner that it was time to start a family. We chose this path.
My job as a stay at home mom isn't always difficult. I have down time. I get to sit on the couch. I plan my showers accordingly. Is it always easy? No. Do I whine sometimes? Sure do. Do I wish I could get a few more hours of sleep at night? For sure. I chose this life.

I get to take my kids to play places. I get to take them over to friend's houses for play dates. I get to be a mom.

Whining and complaining that you have the most difficult job in the world, confuses me. I can think of so many other jobs that are more difficult. I think about those parents who work all day then have to come home and take care of the children. That is tough. I don't know how a working mom or dad manage to do both without ending up in the psych ward at the local hospital. I also know that in the States, maternity leave is nowhere near the 52 weeks that we get here in Canada. My mom went back to work after 3 months....now, feel free to complain about being tired and overworked. A night job and a day job.
Of course I have a lot of teacher friends who have children. They have it way more difficult then a full time stay at home mom.
Get up before 6:00am. Get ready. Get kids up. Get kids fed and watered. Get the house semi organized. Get all of kid's belongings that are necessary to spend the day at the day home or day care. Get kids into car. Drop kids off. Deal with tears. Get to work. Plan your day. Deal with 35 students all day. Stay at work until 4:00pm. Go pick kids up. Go home and unload kid's belongings from car and get settled. Get dinner ready. Spend time with kids. Do laundry. Snack. Bathe kids. Story and snuggle time. Put kids to bed. Finish marking. Finish chores around the house. Get ready for bed at 11:00pm. Wake up and repeat.
Is that a difficult day? You bet. Do I have it much easier? Absolutely.

Some stay at home moms feel that they need to be validated and validated and validated.
I am a stay at home mom. SIGH.
I work so hard. I am on the go constantly. I feel so overworked. I need to go to Hawaii. I need to book a massage. You need to suck it up and do your job. Again, you chose this path.

Now, if you have a child or children who require a lot of extra assistance due to medical concerns or cognitive delays, you have a tough job. You have a lot of stress. You have a tremendous amount of work. Do I think you have a right to complain, drink, cry? You sure do. You are dealing with added stress. You are dealing with appointments, home care, worrying about your child's health while focusing on your other children.
Do I place myself in this group? I do when times get a bit rough. I do when Adele has to spend time in the hospital and we need to find care for Brinley. I have friends whose children are in the hospital, I have friends who require 24 hour care for their child. That is a difficult job. You should be placed on a pedestal. ALL OF THE TIME.
Now some of you are probably saying that this was the path they chose, to have children. You don't know if your child will have complications, so you should be prepared. You are the mom, so you should be doing the extra work if it is required.
I would argue this one....none of us anticipate the work that needs to go into raising a child with special needs.

Do I think my husband works harder than me? Sometimes. He works all day out in the field. He is providing for his family. He comes home and he takes over child care.
Now, on the flip side....when I have a real crap day, I start to feel sorry for myself and tell him that it's difficult staying home with the kids and I work so hard. I let him take over all the duties. He works hard too. He works really hard. Maybe he should be the one complaining that he has it so difficult as the working parent. He doesn't get down time.

It's a touchy subject. Whether you have one or 5 children, it is difficult. Being a parent is a lot of work. Trying to be the best mom and dad that you can be, it is difficult. Working all day out of the house, it is difficult.
The whiny stay at home moms need to stop complaining. Stop asking for the medal. Stop acting like the victim. Stop writing blog posts that tell the world just how hard you have it and that you are tired of being asked "What do you do all day?"
Stop complaining to other moms at the park, while sitting on the bench, that you are exhausted. Stop whining that your children have so many extra curricular activities and that you are so tired of sitting on the bench, sipping your Starbucks, Tweeting and finding the next hot topic on Pinterest. You chose this path.

Don't even get me started on single parents. You are my heroes!!

I thank my husband all of the time for allowing me to stay at home with our children. :)


  1. I feel much the same way K...well said. As a mom who has been home for 4 of the last 7 yrs and then worked part time shift work the other 3 yrs, I know both sides. Both roles are Hard and both roles are rewarding. Sometimes being at work and having my kids spend time with someone else is good for all of us. Sometimes I cry when I have to leave for work because I would much rather be with my family. Sometimes I envy my husband bc he gets 8-10,hrs a day when home is not at the forefront of his mind, he is not a jungle gym, a referree, laundress, taxi driver, cook and bottle washer, etc etc. I have stayed late at work on rough days to avoid the chaos of bedtime and come home to quiet. And I have regretted missing bedtime despite rushing to try to get there in time. I am blessed with 4 beautiful children who suck the energy out of me every single day but they also fill my heart with love at the exact same time. I am blessed to get to work part time at a career I enjoy but also provides me the flexibility to put my kids on the bus every morning and be home most days after school, take them to skating lessons, birthday parties. I don't do Any of that without a support network, the primary person there is my husband and best friend, but over years I have let friends in and my mom moved to Calgary and they are a huge part of how our family functions. None of us are Super Mom but we are all super mothers. Yep I complain and cry and feel sorry for myself, but I have built a support system that listens, comforts and then builds me up. They don't put me on a pedastal...that would NOT be helpful and I love them for their tough love at times. Thank you Krista for sharing and let others share too...we really should be all support and not judge each other.

  2. Holy crap Chrissy!! You said it so much better then me! Good lord! AWESOME! I love every word. xo

  3. Wow, what a great post! And from a stay at home with a special needs child. I've been following your journey shortly after Adele was born and I can't imagine what it's like so my heart goes out to you and yours and I praise you for the job you're doing as her mother. As you said, I think any parent with a special needs child does deserve special recognition. Unfortunately, I have a friend who is going on her third week in the hospital with her six year old daughter. I also have single mom friends and like you said I'm always amazed at how they do it. I just wrote on this yesterday too. Not sure if you saw it or not, but as a working mom I try to be open minded because I hate how we attack each other for our different choices, but I think you kind of hit on some of the problem in this posts with some's desire to be given some medal for a job that WE ALL DO whether we stay home or work and that we all choose to do in the way we desired or felt fit our family best. I hope you can check out my post on this too @ http://glennbabies.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-working-vs-stay-at-home-mom-debate.html. Have a good weekend.

    1. Hi Angela!! I do read your blog. I don't read many blogs, but I read yours. I haven't read the mommy one yet, but I will as soon as Brinley goes to bed. I appreciate your support and I am honoured that you have been following our journey. I know that you have a popular blog, so knowing that you are reading mine, so sweet!! Thank you!

    2. If you are ever interested in doing a guest post to bring more awareness and understanding about down syndrome I would love to share it with my readers.

    3. I would be honoured to write a post for your awesome blog!!! Thank you!! :) xo

  4. I think you said it beautifully Krista!

  5. Love this one Krista - thank you for showing both sides of the coin. I think as long as your kids are happy and momma is happy too then whether you are a stay at home mum or a working mum like me doesn't make a difference.....both are challenging and rewarding jobs xo
    Julie Shaw

  6. Thank you Julie! You know I thought about you when I wrote this one today...I don't know how a working parent does it. You are the most amazing and wonderful mommy!! Thank you for leaving the comment. I really appreciate it. xoxox

  7. Ha! Great post! All the whining gets to me too!! It boils down to this...Being a sahm is hard. Being a Mom who goes to work all day and then comes home to her kids, is hard. Being a single Mom, is hard. This isn't a contest about who has it worse off. So everyone just needs to shut up and raise their kids. The end. lol

    A little off topic but something that annoys me to no end and I feel like ranting about it...

    I hate that little post Mom's pass around FB about how having a messy house means you have happy kids. Bullshit. Having kids isn't an excuse to be a slob, not do the dishes or laundry. All my shit gets done in a day AND my kids ARE happy too! So quit using that as an excuse to not do anything all day ladies! You don't need to have a messy house or let EVERYTHING wait until later to be able to play with your kids. People who manage to get shit done and clean their house have happy kids too!

    There I feel better now. End rant.

  8. Awesome as always Jenny! Always honest, to the point and so well said....I told James that I am just waiting for the mom who tears my post to shreds!!
    I need to have a clean house otherwise my mind feels messy. Chaos all around me doesn't help for the mental state. :)