Change the World and Poop....

Well, I decided yesterday that I need to take more action and get my name out there, get the blog out there and let everybody know that I am here to change the world. I emailed 3 newspapers, first interview on Friday, People, Canadian Living, Woman's World, and Parents. I also posted the blog on more then half a dozen Down Syndrome sites.  I am on my way. As I have said before, it's not the views, well it sort of is I guess, it really is about getting it out there. I was astonished to hear that around 90% of women terminate their pregnancy when they get a positive diagnosis for Trisomy 21. I am pro-choice, so whatever decision you make, I believe you have made the best choice for your family. I just know that if more families were connected to the right resources and shared their story with others, they would realize that they can make it. It's doable.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not always confident nor do I feel that I have everything in order in my mind. I am still scared. I still have fears. I still worry about whether or not I can do this....BUT, I feel better, I feel stronger and I have the support from so many.

So little Brinley had the runs yesterday. As kids get older, their poo gets wicked gross.  Yesterday, I noticed something coming through the leg of her sleeper....AHHHH...IT'S THE DIARRHEA!!! Carry her upstairs, holding her under the armpits so there is no touching or chance of coming in contact with poop! Poor little girl...change her, bring her back downstairs. Well, if it doesn't happen again. She hides when she poops, so she disappeared behind the couch, reappeared with red eyes and a red nose. Mommy says "Brinley, did you poo?"
Brinley looks at mom and says "Yesh."
Back upstairs and change again. I used to have adult conversations..I used to just wipe my own butt. In a few months, I will be wiping an added butt!! Oh goodness!
Now don't get me wrong, I would much rather be wiping butts then not wiping butts. Thank God, James can wipe his own. :))

Our echo is today at 9:45am. I am a bit nervous. A bit scared. I just want her little heart to be ok, in good shape with no cardiac concerns. Send prayers and good thoughts our way today. :)

I just realized that I went from wanting to run the world to poo to baby's echo! I think I need medication to keep me focused and on track. Oh, by the way, James has failed miserably at rule #2 lately and has gotten some serious verbal whoopins from moi!!

 

I'm totally done with poop talk for now! :)

 

I hope everybody has a wonderful day!! A special hug for Jenny and her Tribe. xoxox

Random Thoughts.....

First, I was reading a blog a while back and a young couple found out that they were having a precious little one with Down Syndrome. They were devastated and unsure of what route they would take in the near future. The couple decided to continue with the pregnancy and did get to the point where they were extremely excited and looking forward to meeting their little bean. The point to my story...later on in the pregnancy, the husband said to his wife, I would be disappointed if this little one came into the world and didn't have Down Syndrome. Made me smile. <3

Second (I feel I need to number my thoughts, darn teacher in me), I went to therapy at Cocktails and Dreams yesterday. It was a really great session. It's an hour of talking and laughing and deciding on what I can do for myself and my well-being. For the next 2 weeks, I am to work on me time. Doing things with friends, going to get a massage, a pedicure. Deborah said that I need to take at least one day a week where I focus on just me, treating myself with some self lovin'. I think that all of you should do this. It doesn't have to be a whole day, just part of one where you are out with no kids and no husband. All about you! I am going to follow her advice.

Third, I know that people are reading my blog and I'm guessing that some of you are enjoying it as I think you are coming back for more. What I don't know is who exactly is reading about my crazy life. Last night, my sister told me that a teacher she knows is reading my blog and it is helping her deal with some of her fears during her pregnancy. Ange told me that her baby has some physical abnormalities as well as some other medical conditions. When she told me this, it made me feel so great that I am actually helping others and that other women are getting comfort and reassurance from my words. Thank you! Please know that I am also feeling comfort when you share your stories with me...you are helping me with my journey.

Forth, I know that several of you have shared my blog through Facebook as well as have put it on your own blogs. I truly appreciate this, more then you know. I wanted to list a bunch of friends who have been amazing, supportive and so kind throughout this journey. I decided against naming specific people as I will probably leave one person out then feel like crap because I forgot. You know who you are and I love you.  This sounded like an academy awards speech....maybe one day I will beat out Kelle Hampton and win the award for best blog. I just need around 20 million more views. :) Maybe I shouldn't have included her name, I probably just added to her views. Darn.

I can be so emotional

Lastly, I dropped my sister off at her friend's house last night. They are headed to Cabo today for a well deserved vacation. She'll be gone for a week, not long but I get all teary saying goodbye . I am such a hormonal freak.

I hope you have a wonderful and beautiful Tuesday. :)

Cocktails and Dreams.....

Still looking for more name suggestions. I've had a number of you send me Facebook messages because your comments aren't posting on the blog. Publish your comment under Open ID and see if that works for you. :)

We are now 22 weeks pregnant and Baby Bean is a movin' and a shakin'. She loves food and lets me know every time I eat. So far, I'm loving her little punches, but I'll let you know how I'm feeling in a couple of months. My sister asked me yesterday how far along I was, I told her and she for sure thought I should at least be at the 8 month mark. I (we) feel like I've been pregnant forever....like seriously, forever. :) I told James that if he got me pregnant again, I would hurt him, pregnancy and Krista are not a good mix!! The end result is amazing and wonderful but getting there sucks! Oh woe is me!! :)

I'm sure you've had enough of my dreams but last night I had another one. I was back to teaching elementary and we were rehearsing for a play. All the kids were listening to me, so we know for sure it was a dream. :)  It was time for a lunch break, there were a few kids in my class with Down Syndrome, sweet little kiddies. Some of the Down Syndrome kids were eating their lunch all alone but some of the regular ed kids were also eating all alone. I've never liked that and have always encouraged the kids to include others. I did this in my dream as well, I told the kids to include all students and how important it is to eat lunch with others. The students all listened and everybody had at least one friend to spend the lunch hour with, laughing and having a good time. When I woke up, I think my concerns are that this little one will be excluded from lunches and activities. I want to make sure that she has friends who will respect her and want to spend time playing and laughing. That is so  important to me. I'm thinking though that maybe all parents feel this way about their kids. You want them to have a great network of friends who participate in healthy activities and who respect each other. Oh the worries we have as parents. Day by day!!

The sun is shining today, for once, so I think it's going to be a great day. I am going for therapy this afternoon, not retail therapy or booze therapy :), but actual therapy. I've been once and enjoyed Deborah, the therapist. As I mentioned before, it was nice discussing my worries with somebody outside of my network of friends and family. I'll see how today goes. I am not a huge fan of walking into a building with the words Addictions and Mental Health in large writing on the front door. Maybe I should wear a disguise. Last time, I felt that if somebody saw me, they probably thought I was some trashy pregnant woman trying to get off of crack and heroin. Maybe they could change the name to....Happy Place or Ton Of Fun or Cocktails and Dreams?? Just a thought.

Echo on Wednesday.  A little nervous and a little excited. I will keep you updated. :)

My hair doesn't always cooperate! :)

Dinner and Barf.....

This is what it is like at the in-laws when we go over for dinner. :)

Last night we had dinner with the in-laws for James' dad's birthday. I love it when others do the cooking and all I have to do is eat the food. We had salad, steak, ribs, stuffed potatoes, veggies and my fave, carrot cake for dessert. It was so delicious!!
I forgot to mention that for the appetizers, we had salad rolls, lettuce wraps and crackers with dip. Honestly, could life get any better?? Yup..it could have because the entire night I had the worst heartburn and indigestion, from my ribcage all the way to my belly button. Up almost all night. Wish I could have narrowed it down to what I ate. HA! HA!! HA!!! 

At the very end of our meal, Ashlyn (niece), got up and barfed her brains out beside the table. Everybody just let it happen, mind you, I guess there isn't much you can do. Her parents were so calm, barf, barf, barf. I jump up and have this mini panic...oh goodness, she's barfing. Finished barfing, Nana cleaned it up and on with dessert. I am that parent, I can't handle sick kids, especially my own. They just said "it happens." Oh, how I want to be that parent. "Oh, my kid is barfing, how's the weather??" In reality, I will be the parent that says "HOLY SH*%!! MY KID IS BARFING, SOMEBODY HELP ME, I CAN'T CLEAN THAT UP, OH MY LORD, GET A BUCKET, JAMES, COME HOME, JAMES COME TAKE CARE OF HER." I am not a good barfing mom. Maybe I can hire somebody to help during those times. :)

Now I feel ill. No more barf talk.

Brinley makes me laugh, because when she is at home, she talks non stop and is always full of expression and is very passionate when she's having a 'conversation' with you. She giggles, plays games, interacts with her daddy and mommy, but when you take her out, she is quiet and just looks around. She soaks everything in that is going on around her. It usually takes her around 20 minutes to relax and start interacting. She came out of her shell last night at dinner time, I think it's because food makes her happy....when she isn't picky. I love her little personality, quiet yet a little spicy.

We are off to Ange and Bob's today for Sunday family dinner. Ange is heading to Cabo on Tuesday while I stay in this winter hell. I think James and I need a vacation with little Miss B. Any suggestions? Short flight, not too pricey, virgin drinks :(, speedos, sun, beach, men feeding me grapes and fanning me.......

 

Have a great Sunday! :)

My Dream....

I have to tell you all about my dream last night. So besides the headache caused by this crazy weather, I had the most unsettling dream.
Both my sister and I were pregnant (Ange will freak out reading that she was pregnant.) I delivered at 32 weeks. A little too early, but when baby was delivered, I looked at her and she was beautiful and perfect. She looked just like Brinley. :) I forgot that Baby Bean had Down Syndrome, so I was content that she seemed happy and healthy. They took the baby to the NICU, I didn't think anything of it, I had just delivered and was tired. Once I started feeling better, I went to go see Baby Bean in the NICU, which was set up like a library. It was bizarre. The nurse took me to her after cleaning our hands and doing a full scrub down. When I saw baby, I said to the nurse that she had Down Syndrome and I started to cry. I cried so hard in my dream. I couldn't stop crying, but everybody in the NICU just went about their business. I felt all alone, just so sad. The nurse who took me to see our baby, handed her to me. She was so sweet and so new and so ours. The nurse looked at me and said "it's going to be alright." My dream ended.

When I woke up, my head hurt even more and I was sad. I also felt drained. I'm pretty sure that all my energy went into that dream last night. Besides feeling sad, I also felt calm, I don't know if that makes any sense to you?? I'm not so great at interpreting dreams but I see it as Baby Collins was delivered and to us she was just perfect and all ours. We didn't see that she had Down Syndrome, just this little girl who will rely on us to provide her with love, support and nourishment. I think the visit to the NICU, once I was feeling settled, was when some fears set in. The fear of what's next?? What do I do now?

I know that it's going to all work out. I had some of the same fears with Brinley. Day by day. That is it.

I miss my sex dreams!! :)

Brinley decided yesterday that she wanted to prove to her mommy and daddy that she could miss her morning nap and be a big, strong and alert little girl. She made it until 1:30pm, took a 2.5 hour nap then was exhausted again at 6:00pm. She was actually happy and pleasant, which surprised us BUT it made it kind of a long day. I didn't realize just how much that morning nap is appreciated by...ME!! It gives me the chance to shower, do bottles and get some cleaning accomplished. I got worried yesterday.....below is a picture of today at 11:00am. :)) Thank you Jesus!!!

Sleeping Princess

 

 

I hope that you all have a wonderful day spent with family and friends. :)

 

 

 

 



Baby Names...

Ok...I know that we are only 21 weeks into the pregnancy but we are planners and we are having troubles coming up with a name. With Brinley, we knew pretty much even before we got pregnant, first and middle names.
Baby Collins is tough for us. We had a name picked out and loved it but it's quite a popular name and making its way up on the charts. We want something that is going to be just perfect!!

I've decided to have a friendly competition, I'm sure James will be fine with it all. He'll know once he reads the blog and we all know that once it's on the blog, it's permanent.
I, meaning sort of we, want you guys to come up with some suggestions. We do want it to have meaning and we want it to be a strong name but nothing too crazy and unusual. We have one or two middle names picked out so we are ok there, but we need a name for this wonderful little bean. If we choose your suggested name, you win a prize!! I am into prizes and we all love gifts. For those of you who don't know me, I give good presents. I have great taste, well I think I do, maybe my friends can vouch for me.  :)

Next......

This is a message that I received last night from a very dear friend. <3

Hi Krista - love the blog! I work with a woman, her first child, M, who is now 41, has Downs Syndrome.  Her mother offered these thought to share with you.

There are many unknowns and it is what you have to get used to - unknown. Each of these children are like all of us, unique and individual! Never lower your expectations. My M was capable because I would not listen to all the negatives, they said she would never be toilet trained, she was, they said she would never read, she reads and loves to read. We taught her all the social graces and she is well mannered, she went everywhere with me and 35 years ago when a woman stared at her, she asked what she was looking at!  I beamed - that's my M!!!!

This weekend her mother, a volunteer coach, is off to Edmonton with her daughter and a bus of Special Olympics athletes. She has 8 including her daughter who bowl. As I left today her mother, with her beautiful smile said "yes I have 8 athletes to be up Saturday at 5:30am."  I promptly replied "I guess it's showering the night before and no makeup" and she said, "well I will ask each of them if they would prefer to get up even earlier or shower Friday night - after all, they need to keep their routines." As I listened to her and could hear and see the love she had for her daughter and all of her athletes. I knew I had to share all of this with you. Krista you will be like her mother - endless love for your little bean. M has challenges, she lives independently in supported living, has friends and a loving family. Most importantly she has a family who loves her, supports her and is very proud of her and her accomplishments.
Her mother is her advocate and she is tenacious - she used to volunteer for the Downs Syndrome Association and suggested it might be a good resource for you.

I really appreciated this message. This little girl is going to change so many lives and all for the better. I am already so in love with her and can't wait to meet her and hold her and tell her that she is the most beautiful and perfect little girl. It's going to be a long and busy journey, but we can do it. Raising kids is hard..period.

Lastly, a post from Amy Julia Becker. Thank you to my wonderful friend Cheryl for sending this to me yesterday. :)

You think Down syndrome means tragedy, and people will compare your experience to that of losing a child in a car accident or to cancer or some other horrible fate. And though you will experience a sense of loss, you will realize eventually that you have lost a hypothetical child, and that the child right in front of you, this child, with her sparkling eyes and crooked teeth and warm soft hand, this child is a blessing. In time, because of the privilege of knowing and loving her, you will realize that your grief has turned to gratitude and that your worry has turned to wonder.
You think Down syndrome means isolation, but you will discover that it brings a world of connections. It’s not only that you will now feel a bond with other parents of children with Down syndrome throughout the country and around the globe. It’s that having a child who looks and acts somewhat different from what you expected, a child who you see as beautiful and funny and kind and smart and brave, will help you to recognize that same beauty in everyone else. You will think your world has become smaller, when it has only begun to grow.
You think that Down syndrome means hardship, for you and your daughter. As with any child, you’re right. There will be sleepless nights. There will be doctor’s visits. There will be a time when you find her sitting up in bed with eyes sunken into her head from dehydration after a stomach flu, and you will rush her to the hospital and she will stay for two days. There will be meetings with her teachers who talk about behavior plans. You will worry about her health, her ability to make friends, her future. And yet you will also realize that every life arrives with hardship. And every life arrives with the potential for inexpressible joy.
You think Down syndrome means special treatment. And other people will, with very good intentions, treat her as if she can’t learn and can’t sit still and can’t communicate. But you will believe in her abilities, and you will discover that she can sit in time out just like her little brother. That she can communicate through sign language before she is able to talk with words. That she will work harder than any kid you’ve ever known as long as she is motivated, and that even though it takes longer for her, she will learn—to read, to swim, to tie her shoes, to ride a bike, to use gentle hands with her baby sister. You will learn not to treat her as special, but as her own person, with particular struggles and particular gifts.
You think Down syndrome means giving more than you have to give. And some days it will feel that way, as it will with each of your children. But then she will come over to you, with your head in your hands after a fight with your son, and she will say, “Mom, should we pray?” She will come home from school and embrace you and say, “I had a happy day Mom!” She will give back far more than she has ever taken.
She will break your heart. Wide open. And you will be forever forever grateful.

Princess Brinley!! xo

 

Keep Calm....

Baby Collins' new onesie! :)

 

 

I decided that Baby Collins needed a customized onesie! I think part of me had it made for myself....people will read it and see that it's all good and that this family has a great sense of humour.

 

I was out for lunch yesterday with two close friends, one has her PHD in Perinatal Epidemiology and the other has worked with families of children with disabilities for the past 7 years. They are such awesome people to talk to and to get advice from, all without judgement, just love and support.



Katie brought along some forms that I will eventually have to fill out and Emma is going to send me all of the links that are necessary for us to receive the supports and resources that will be needed in the future. Katie discussed some of the concerns that may arise but both said that it was so important to value the time when she may not need any services or surgeries or visits to the doctor. Enjoy the cuddles and snuggles, all you have to focus on is love and family time. We are really hoping for this little bean to come out healthy, without cardiac issues and other major health concerns. I am optimistic because of the results from the 18 week ultrasound. Prayers for next week's echo.

 

Next...some of you know James very well and others, well you don't him at all. You know the saying about how opposites attract, yes that would be correct when it comes to personality traits. I am loud and assertive and a bit on the controlling side....my mom would say bossy but I don't think I'm bossy, I just say things in a direct manner. I totally just made myself sound like a b*%$#, I'm not at all, well, I don't think I am, here's hoping I'm not. I just think I'm straight forward. Anyways, my point is that my husband is quieter, not as assertive and is such an amazing man. I was telling a friend tonight that I have only cleaned a toilet once and that was because I barfed in it, I have never put gas in my vehicle, we share cooking, he lets me sleep in often, he rubs and scratches my back every single night, without asking for anything in return . ;)
I wanted to touch on some of this because I do get concerned about what's going on in his head and how he is truly feeling. When we initially discussed our options, he said that he would fully support any decision that I made. I told him that his decision should not be based on what I want...that could destroy the marriage. I needed to know how he felt and I reassured him that I would not be upset no matter how he wished to proceed. This is his life too and his family and his future.
James also does not have a huge network of friends and to be honest, I don't know how a man discusses something like this with his buddies while out for a beer. "Soooooo, just to let you all know, my wife is pregnant and the baby has Down Syndrome." Not too sure where the conversation would go from there. Maybe "oh, sorry buddy, cheers."
James is fairly close to Bob, our brother-in-law and they have briefly discussed some concerns etc. I think my disappointment lies in that somebody who I thought was James' good friend, his closest friend, has not even contacted him to say hello, to see if James needed to talk to somebody. It breaks my heart. I want him to also have a network of support that he can go to when he has questions or worries...now please don't suggest a group of dads who sit in a circle and talk about their child who has Down Syndrome, I know that James would never go for that, but somebody who he could email some questions to or just connect with once in a while. Who knows if he would even connect with somebody....maybe this is just something that I want for him. This is all so new for James...when I asked him when we initially found out, what he knew about Down Syndrome, he said that he knew the TV show Life Goes On with Corky Thatcher and that was it...oh goodness. Advice?

Lastly....Brinley took a 35 minute nap yesterday, in total. We were thinking about selling her on Kijiji but found out that it was illegal. Who knew?? Should she be losing that first nap already? It was hopefully just a one day thing. :) How do I shower when I have an 18 month old and a newborn? Will I ever shower again? Will I brush my teeth? Will I wear makeup? Will I win the Lotto Max and hire a nanny just to come in for an hour every day and watch the kiddies while I get ready? Oh boy....how do you do it? :)

Just chillin'