1 December 2013

Back to the Beginning...

The start of our journey.....
These were my true feelings....

March 19th, 2013

Today was the worst day so far of my life. We found out that Baby Collins has Down syndrome. We went in this morning to the OB to get the results of the blood test. I guess there is no right or easy decision to make but all we ask for is your support. Yes, I am Catholic and I do believe in God but we need to do what is best for our little family. Through testing, you will never know the severity of the Down syndrome....why would we put a child through hell? There are just so many questions, thoughts and then more questions. All I know is that we are 17 weeks and we need to figure out soon what to do. I know that you guys will want to send a heart felt message but I have cried so much today that I am just asking that you say a little prayer for us and maybe you can just leave a heart to show us that you support and care. I am so lucky and blessed to have the most amazing friends and family. xoxoxo

March 22nd, 2013

Just a little update......we called the OB the other day to set up an appointment to terminate the pregnancy. They were going to call me back but I haven't heard anything. I also have not called back to find out. I have been reading some mommy blogs to get an idea of what it is like to have a child with Down syndrome. They are all heartwarming. We have decided to keep our ultrasound booked for this coming Wednesday to see if there are possibly any other issues. My placenta is still a concern. We are truly on the fence and flip flop constantly. This is by far the hardest decision we will ever have to make and is something that we have to live with forever. Thank you, truly for all of your support, your own personal stories but above all for not judging. I just want to get through this and resume our lives. I thank God for Brinley because that little bean still needs to be fed, watered and loved. She makes us laugh constantly. What a wonderful little girl. Xo

PS....the appointment to terminate was just to have the appointment, it didn't mean we would follow through. Hope that makes sense.

March 25th, 2013

Hi ladies...so we met with a couple today, they have a one year old and a 3 year old little cutie who has Ds. They are our age and she is just as crazy as me, so it was a nice visit. They are both RCMP out here and live in Okotoks. We spent a couple hours with them and got lots of answers and support. James hasn't really spoken to any of his friends about all of this, so it was nice that he could talk to somebody and get some info. He is having a very difficult time with all of this and some of you know that he internalizes a lot, so getting him to really speak up about how he's feeling, isn't always easy. We have our ultrasound booked for Wednesday morning at 8:30 at The Foothills. We will be making our decision that day. We need to see if my placenta is functioning ok and if babe has any more health issues. We got a call on Saturday and the charge nurse told me that I was scheduled to be induced that day. Nobody shared this info with us. crazy. Let you know how things are going.

March 27th, 2013

Hi guys....it was a good morning. We had a very thorough ultrasound done by an excellent tech. All the baby's measurements are excellent, better than Brinley's actually. The heart, right now looks good, the hands are straight, the legs and arms are measuring right on track, the kidneys and lungs and head are also looking great. The baby was out of control busy and wild all during the ultrasound. It was pretty sweet. The doctor just wasn't 100% sure that the baby has Ds because of all the measurements including the nasal bone and neuchal. James and I feel that we are 99% sure that baby has Down syndrome but we have decided to go for an amnio tomorrow just to be 100%. You know that I am OCD and need to know. So much for the 800 bucks we spent on the NIPT. Oh well. Also, I won't be attending my uncle's funeral which makes me a bit sad but we need to do what we need to do. It's important to us. Oh, did I mention that baby is a little girl??? :)))) Due to the great results today, and that they don't see any major health issues, we have decided to not terminate the pregnancy, so from now on, we move forward, get connected and maybe some counselling to control my anxiety and some of our fears. We feel that we are making the best decision for our little family and all of you played a role as well. Because we have such a strong support system, we know that we have your support and love. This little bean is going to be perfect, beautiful and loved. Love you all. xoxoxox

March 28th, 2013

The amnio went well...uncomfortable and bizarre feeling. A bit crampy now but relaxing. Xo

April 2nd, 2013

We just got our results back and again, we are expecting a beautiful little girl who may need a little extra support but who will have all the love in the world. Brinley will be the best big sister!!!




  1. I read this the other day and couldn't comment. This was beautiful. I love that you have documented this journey since day one. I still think you and James are amazing...I'm not sure what choice I would have made if I found out while pregnant. Fear is a powerful thing, and all I felt when Russell was born was fear. I hope many expecting Mom's find your blog and that they find courage and strength in your story.

  2. P.S....

    That last picture is ADORABLE!

  3. I was wondering when or if you were going to comment. It's crazy how I said that it was the worst day of my life when we found out that our baby would have Down syndrome. Crazy that I felt that way. Fear is very powerful.
    Thank you for the kind words JC. You are always so honest and I love that about you. :)