UPS AND DOWNS.....

A little update....

Cute!! Cute!!

Life has been a bit crazy lately. Adele is now 10 days old and I think that she is such a little fighter. She keeps gaining weight, but is not taking a full bottle, so that's why she has that tube up her poor little nose. She did take one full bottle today, I was shocked and so happy. That was her first time. Our little peanut is growing up! :) Adele is now in isolation because she needed to go back on oxygen. They weren't too sure if she has a little cold or something more serious. The doctor mentioned pneumonia, but her blood work came back great and her chest ultrasound also showed that her valve has closed. Her heart is looking great!!! Big smiles for mommy and daddy. I feel confident that it's just a little cold and that she will get over it quickly. Her respiratory rate hasn't been too great so the doctor told me today that they have decided to give her some caffeine....like seven cups worth. I guess it helps with improving her breathing, so here's hoping. I asked if there were any adverse or long term effects but not enough studies have been conducted, so it's up in the air, but he did say that it helped with brain development and the respiratory rates in babies increased and were more stable. IQ scores in older children who received caffeine as babies were on par with the other children. This totally made me laugh. All I want is a healthy baby without going through caffeine withdrawals. That's it!

Cool feeding tube Adele!

Baby Adele is changing every day and even though I am totally biased, I think she is just the most darling little girl. She is sweet and cute and lovely and wonderful. She loves to curl up into a little ball on your chest and will start snoring because she feels so comfortable and at ease. Brinley has spent some time with her sister and loves to hold her and touch her feeding tube. She isn't too sure who she is but we keep telling her that she has a sister and that we love them both dearly. I'm pretty sure that when Adele comes home, Brinley will want her to go back where she came from.....

So precious!

The past few days have been emotionally draining for me. I think that my hormones are out of whack, so that doesn't help with keeping my mind healthy and taking time to just relax and enjoy our family. James, Brinley and I went to visit Adele, and every time we go, a piece of my heart breaks when I leave her in the hospital. I feel that I am not spending enough time with her, I feel that I should be there all day, into the evening. It's so difficult with a 17 month old. I wasn't feeling well yesterday, so I decided to go to the doctor and get checked out. I have a UTI which has gone into my kidneys. After I picked up my prescription the nurse called to let me know how Adele was doing....that's when she told me about isolation etc. I cried all the way home. I cried because I felt awful and was in pain, I cried because I should be holding my baby, I cried because I miss my house, I cried because I totally feel displaced, I cried because James is working so hard to get us back home, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't talk on the phone with my sister, so I had to text her and every time I sent a text, I cried. I texted my dad and I cried. I really want to get life in order, get back home and get Adele settled in her new life with her family. I know that she is in the best place right now and is getting around the clock love and care, but I still worry. While I was cuddling with her today, her red alarm went off a few times and nobody came in. My heart was in my throat and I froze. I knew somebody would come, good lord, it's a loud alarm. NOPE!
I stopped a nurse who was passing by the room and told her about the alarm, she said that it all looked fine and not to worry. I worry, I worry all day and all night. I leave my ringer turned all the way up just in case the NICU calls. I do feel confident that she is going to be just fine, I think it's just a mommy thing, you worry.  The nurses in the NICU adore Adele. They stop by and tell me how much they love her and that they request to be her nurse. This makes me feel great. I know that already, so many people love her and think that she is just the most darling little girl.

I had James read the comments that our friends and family have made about Adele on Facebook, he asked me if he thought people were being so kind because she has Down syndrome?? I told him that if somebody doesn't think a baby is cute, they say nothing or they make a very generic comment. He told me that he thinks his girls are just the cutest but that's because he is their father and he worries that people are just being nice. I told him that I was pretty sure that people feel connected to Adele and that she is loved and adored by so many. She is cute, there is no doubt. When I look at Adele, I see perfection. I see a little girl who belongs here with us, her family.

The other night when James and I were laying in bed, we started talking about when we found out that Adele had Trisomy 21. For one whole day we had decided that we couldn't move forward with the pregnancy. There was no way that we could do it. What do we know about Down syndrome? It would be too hard. Every day after that, we were moving forward and we were pretty confident that we could do it, we love our child. As we look at Adele now, we are so thankful that we made the right decision. We made a choice to continue with the pregnancy because she was ours and we were chosen to have this baby. We are great parents, we will make mistakes, many of them over the years, but the one thing that we know is that we love our girls, unconditionally. We love them madly and deeply and we will do our best as parents to give them the lives that they deserve, filled with respect, love, support and encouragement.