15 November 2013

Stay At Home Moms!

Touchy subject today......

Lately, I have seen many blog posts and articles on the web regarding stay at home moms.

The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences? - Matt Walsh

Matt Walsh caused an uproar with his blog posts. Some agreed and some were disgusted by his post. I agreed with some of it, but have thought a lot about it since he posted the blog.

A stay at home mom has a huge list of jobs that she preforms all throughout the day and night.
1) Diapers
2) Feedings
3) Counsellor
4) Entertainer
5) Doctor
6) Psychologist
7) More feedings
8) Care giver
9) Taxi Driver
10) And on and on and on.....

The list is endless, I get it. If you are fortunate enough to stay at home, you are lucky. If you are able to spend the entire day with your kids, you are lucky. If you are able to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for your kids, you are lucky. If you are able to bathe your kids and read them stories at night, you are lucky. If you are able to get snuggles any time of day with your kids, you are lucky. If you get to witness the milestones, you are lucky.
I get confused why SOME stay at home moms feel that they deserve a medal, they deserve to be placed on a pedestal ALL OF THE TIME, they feel that are doing something so beyond what is expected of a human being, that they are just so tired and are never able to nap while the kids nap or while they are at school because there is just so much to get done.....I don't understand. Yes, we are tired, Yes, we lose patience. Yes, we work hard. I am confused why it is considered the toughest most underpaid job in the world. Yes, underpaid....well, actually, no pay but this is what we chose. We chose to stay at home with the kids. We chose to change diapers all day. We chose to make three meals a day plus snacks for our kids. We have so many roles but we knew what we were getting into. We knew that it would be a 24 hour a day job. We knew that we wouldn't get 12 hours of sleep at night. We knew that when we feel like shit, we still have to run the house. We made this decision when we discussed with our partner that it was time to start a family. We chose this path.
My job as a stay at home mom isn't always difficult. I have down time. I get to sit on the couch. I plan my showers accordingly. Is it always easy? No. Do I whine sometimes? Sure do. Do I wish I could get a few more hours of sleep at night? For sure. I chose this life.

I get to take my kids to play places. I get to take them over to friend's houses for play dates. I get to be a mom.

Whining and complaining that you have the most difficult job in the world, confuses me. I can think of so many other jobs that are more difficult. I think about those parents who work all day then have to come home and take care of the children. That is tough. I don't know how a working mom or dad manage to do both without ending up in the psych ward at the local hospital. I also know that in the States, maternity leave is nowhere near the 52 weeks that we get here in Canada. My mom went back to work after 3 months....now, feel free to complain about being tired and overworked. A night job and a day job.
Of course I have a lot of teacher friends who have children. They have it way more difficult then a full time stay at home mom.
Get up before 6:00am. Get ready. Get kids up. Get kids fed and watered. Get the house semi organized. Get all of kid's belongings that are necessary to spend the day at the day home or day care. Get kids into car. Drop kids off. Deal with tears. Get to work. Plan your day. Deal with 35 students all day. Stay at work until 4:00pm. Go pick kids up. Go home and unload kid's belongings from car and get settled. Get dinner ready. Spend time with kids. Do laundry. Snack. Bathe kids. Story and snuggle time. Put kids to bed. Finish marking. Finish chores around the house. Get ready for bed at 11:00pm. Wake up and repeat.
Is that a difficult day? You bet. Do I have it much easier? Absolutely.

Some stay at home moms feel that they need to be validated and validated and validated.
I am a stay at home mom. SIGH.
I work so hard. I am on the go constantly. I feel so overworked. I need to go to Hawaii. I need to book a massage. You need to suck it up and do your job. Again, you chose this path.

Now, if you have a child or children who require a lot of extra assistance due to medical concerns or cognitive delays, you have a tough job. You have a lot of stress. You have a tremendous amount of work. Do I think you have a right to complain, drink, cry? You sure do. You are dealing with added stress. You are dealing with appointments, home care, worrying about your child's health while focusing on your other children.
Do I place myself in this group? I do when times get a bit rough. I do when Adele has to spend time in the hospital and we need to find care for Brinley. I have friends whose children are in the hospital, I have friends who require 24 hour care for their child. That is a difficult job. You should be placed on a pedestal. ALL OF THE TIME.
Now some of you are probably saying that this was the path they chose, to have children. You don't know if your child will have complications, so you should be prepared. You are the mom, so you should be doing the extra work if it is required.
I would argue this one....none of us anticipate the work that needs to go into raising a child with special needs.

Do I think my husband works harder than me? Sometimes. He works all day out in the field. He is providing for his family. He comes home and he takes over child care.
Now, on the flip side....when I have a real crap day, I start to feel sorry for myself and tell him that it's difficult staying home with the kids and I work so hard. I let him take over all the duties. He works hard too. He works really hard. Maybe he should be the one complaining that he has it so difficult as the working parent. He doesn't get down time.

It's a touchy subject. Whether you have one or 5 children, it is difficult. Being a parent is a lot of work. Trying to be the best mom and dad that you can be, it is difficult. Working all day out of the house, it is difficult.
The whiny stay at home moms need to stop complaining. Stop asking for the medal. Stop acting like the victim. Stop writing blog posts that tell the world just how hard you have it and that you are tired of being asked "What do you do all day?"
Stop complaining to other moms at the park, while sitting on the bench, that you are exhausted. Stop whining that your children have so many extra curricular activities and that you are so tired of sitting on the bench, sipping your Starbucks, Tweeting and finding the next hot topic on Pinterest. You chose this path.

Don't even get me started on single parents. You are my heroes!!

I thank my husband all of the time for allowing me to stay at home with our children. :)

14 November 2013

A Little Freelance....

My friend Amanda is going to take over the blog once a week. She is a freelance writer who has agreed to let us into her life. Enjoy! :) She has started off pretty tame, but I know the REAL Amanda will break lose....get ready!

Not sure what I should exactly write for my first post on my friend Krista’s amazing blog. I guess I will start off by thanking Krista for allowing me another outlet to write, as a freelance writer any forum to showcase what we do is greatly appreciated. I love reading Krista’s blog and reading about her sweet miracle Adele and the rest of her family. 
I am also married and have two children, our daughter Grae is seven and she is grade two and our son Gage is 4 and is in pre-school. Two years ago my husband Ryan and I moved back to High River and bought our first house in our favorite area of town right by Sptizee School, the same school we both went to as children till grade six. Our children now go there and the school is now pre-school- grade 5.
Life seemed to finally be coming together and Ryan and I started to feel like the worst was behind us. 
I need to back track a little, Ryan and I have been together since 1996 I was 16 and he was 17, we got married in 2001 and moved from our home town of High River to Calgary. In 2005 I became pregnant with our first child, we were so over the moon and could not wait to be parents, sadly we lost that child when I was only four months pregnant.
Our prayers came true when Grae Lavaughn was born Sept 8, 2006. Another tragedy hit us on April 23, 2009 when my beloved mother  Lynn, at the age of 55 passed away suddenly from unknown heart disease, six weeks after losing my mother I gave birth to Gage Ryan Lynn on June 7. 
Moving home to High River just felt natural and made me feel closer to my mother as every street, every store had a memory of her at first that was overwhelming but in time became very comforting. I had even gotten a job at the local paper as a multi-media journalist, I loved it very much and loved being involved with the town I love so much, I made the hard choice to leave the job I loved to have more time with my family and pursue freelance writing, I was able to still stay involved by joining boards in town and volunteering.
Life once again was going great, little did I know I was about to be tipped on my head once again.

June 20th, our entire town was changed forever by a devastating flood that no one expected to do the damage it did. Sadly so many are still without their homes and lost all they had. In the big picture we got away very lucky, we lived in a fifth wheel on a farm for a month and we lost one car, our developed basement and all contents in it plus partially main floors. If that was not enough a few weeks after moving back home a hail storm came and we needed all new siding and a new roof. All that and I feel blessed, no I am not insane ( well actually that is debatable :) ) I know we lost a lot, but we have so much still and we have our house and our family and although June 20th was one of the scariest days of my life and left Ryan and I actually fleeing for our lives on foot well we saw our beloved town literally get swallowed up by the wrath of mother nature. 
There is a long road ahead for the town of High River, but my family along with so many others are not going anywhere and I will continue to be involved as much as  I can by volunteering on boards and being active in town. Another thing that I will keep doing is write, I love to write, it's in my bones, and I will write about anything and everything in my life so this is a warning to everyone that knows me, going forward, no one is safe, you never know what will end up in my posts :), Krista you still sure this is a good idea? Haha.

I still need to include pictures of the girls :)

12 November 2013



Today was that kind of day where I wanted to curl up in a ball, in the corner of the room, with a bottle of rum. Maybe two bottles of rum....don't even need coke and ice, just rum.

Adele is going through a time in her life that maybe some of you enjoy, but I just don't have time to cuddle for hours at a time. I love cuddles, just not all day long. Do I sound like a crappy mom? Adele is no longer a newborn, she is now awake a lot more and when she is awake, she wants to be loved. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have a 20 month old who needs us, a lot, all day long, until bed time. As Adele gets older, her cries become louder and she is more persistent. I managed to have a shower and tried to block out the random shrieks coming from the bed. Almost like a quacking duck, or scared puppy or crazy cat, a dozen crazy cats. When I say "come on Adele", it doesn't seem to mean anything to her at this point. It means a lot to me and when I say it twenty times in a row, I see myself getting frustrated and well, Adele is frustrated too. I think we went in circles today. I talked, she didn't listen, I talked some more and she continued to not listen.

We had our appointment at the pediatrician's today, they just moved locations. I no longer take both kids to the car at the same time. I do it in two trips. Brinley goes first with my purse and the diaper bag. Adele goes next with the oxygen tank and anything else that needs to come along....and I lock the door.

We arrived at our destination a few minutes early. So far so good. On time.
I see the sign to the office and it says that there is parking around back. Ok, perfect. Drive down the street, around to the back and see that there is absolutely no parking. I'm confused. I drive back around front and look down at my feet as I exit the car. Forgot to put my boots on after I put Brinley in the car. I am in flip flops. Go around the car, feet in the snow bank and take a deep breath. Grab Adele and the oxygen. Oh damn, my purse. Move through the snow bank to the next snow bank and grab my purse. I will leave the diaper bag because nobody will poop!
Head around to the main drag, in the slush, in my flip flops. Deep breath. I unhook Brinley and realize that placing Adele on the street, on the main drag, full of traffic, is not a good idea. I grab Brinley and awkwardly head toward the sidewalk, through the snow bank. Breathe. Do I place my toddler on the sidewalk and risk her running onto the road or continue to have her dislocate my shoulder and rip all the tendons in my hand and arm and continue to the door?? I risk her running into traffic. I put her down. Even before her feet hit the ground, "Brinley, follow mom. Follow mom. Follow me." She listened. Phew!
We get to the door, walk in and it says to remove all footwear. F#$k that S#$t! I am not walking on the floor with no socks. My feet are wet. I don't need to take them off. I make my own rules.
I remove my flip flops and Brinley's shoes. I follow rules especially those posted on a door!
I check in and sit down. Brinley had fun turning the office lights on and off. On and off. On and off. On and off. ON AND OFF!!! ON AND OFFFFFFF!!!!!!!
Receptionist "you seem like you have your hands full." A little giggle.
So because I am super mom, I say "she is a really good girl and listens quite well." I needed to justify her turning the lights off. I needed to make sure that she knew that we don't let her run the house, make all the rules and we for sure don't let her play with the light switches. We have it all under control.

It's our turn.

"Just follow me upstairs."
What the f$#k!??!! Are you kidding me???

"Do you need some help getting upstairs?"
"No thanks, I'll be ok."

I am super mom and I don't need any help getting up your extremely steep stairs in this super really old house that has been converted to a doctor's office. Do I look flustered? I'm not. I'm fine. I don't need help.

"Brinley, go upstairs sweetie. Mommy will be behind you."
Each freakin step took 20-30 seconds because she was unsure of where we were...she was scared and I was getting pissed off because I was lugging over 30 pounds.

We get to the top of the stairs and my hair is stuck to my forehead, there are beads of sweat on my upper lip and my tube dress has come down to the point where you can see the top of my bra. Not a bra that I want the world to see, or the pediatrician. It's not frilly, it's not a push up, it's not black lace. It is beige. Just beige.

Ok, get the girls into the room. Brinley is so unsure. She stays close to momma. I tell her to play with the toys. Adele starts to cry. What the hell? Why are you crying? You were just fast asleep. I am meeting with your pediatrician. So Brinley sees her sister crying, this means that she must also cry, with her sister. It is now a competition. A fierce competition between two girls. Who will win? Who will embarrass mom the most? Who will piss mom off the most? It was a tie. A freakin tie.
The pediatrician was asking me questions and I was pretending that I was calm and had it all figured out and can handle all of this crying. I am super mom.
I ask her repeatedly to repeat the question because I wasn't focusing, in my head, I was praying that the crying would stop. I was praying that she would look at me and tell me that I was awesome and that I remind her of a Pinterest mom. I remind her of a mom that has it all together, all of the time. I wanted her to tell me that I must get up at 6:00am every morning and shower and put beautiful curls in my hair and have the coffee brewing and fresh cinnamon buns baking in the oven and dinner in the crockpot and the house vacuumed and all the crappers cleaned by the time the girls wake up. I just wanted to be told how great I am....at everything.

She didn't but I'm sure she was thinking it. We had limited time for our appointment.
I had to get Adele naked so we could check her weight.
"Do you want to change her diaper?"
"The diaper bag is in the car." This was said in a whisper because I am not a Pinterest mom, a Starbucks mom, a Martha Stewart mom....I failed. The diaper bag is in the fu#$%$g car because I couldn't lift one more thing...not ONE. MORE. THING.

I apologized profusely for the craziness and vowed to only bring one child next time.

I walked out of the room not remembering one thing. What was her weight? Why are we putting Adele on medication? What should be her daily volume intake? When am I coming back? Oh S#$t, I forget. I truly don't remember one thing. I need to record the next appointment."

Head down the stairs. I don't give a crap, I need help getting down. Please carry my child and you can stick Pinterest up your A@@!

I get downstairs and I hear "she looks like Monsters Inc!!!"

Did I just hear that right? Did you just call my child, who has Down syndrome, a monster. Deep breath and get ready for the attack. Get ready for me to shove my hand down your throat and rip out that punching bag thing at the back of your mouth. Get ready for an obscene amount of swear words, all directed to you, being shouted at your face, while I am three inches away from your nose. I don't care if I am in an office surrounded by kids right now. I have no shame. You just called my child a monster.

"Your little girl looks just like Boo from Monsters Inc. She is so cute."
"Who is Boo?"
"Johnny, show her a picture of Boo on your phone."
"Ohhhhhhhh, she does look like Boo."

Man walks in...

"Your daughter looks like Boo from Monsters Inc. She won't have to dress up for Halloween."

Leave me alone people. I need a drink.

Head to the car, load children, load oxygen, load purse.

I am sweating. I am ticked.

I text James and said "who, who, who has a pediatrician's office in an awkwardly shaped house and the patient rooms are upstairs. The rooms are upstairs!!!!! It's an office for children."

James knew to meet me at home, outside, ready to take the children.

My plan, which it never has been, was to come into the house and have one rum n coke while making dinner. I came in and forgot to drink.

Last non-pinterest mommy moment....a friend just stopped by to drop of a beautiful princess toy for the girls. I could smell something. I am a mom. I pull your pants out and look down your diaper. Yup, s#$t all over my fingers.

Rum n coke time!!

11 November 2013

Happy Remembrance Day??

A few random thoughts.....

It's Remembrance Day here in Canada. It is a time to reflect and remember what others have done for us so that we have freedom. I think about my grandparents today and recall the stories that my Nan would tell us about the war, it was a tough subject. Nanny and Papa lived in London during the war and it was such a difficult and trying time.
I don't think people my age and younger really understand the magnitude of war. I know that when my Nan would come over to mom and dad's and we would be watching a movie, Nan would shudder and shake when there was a loud noise on the movie. It took her back to the London bombings. That made me sad.
I know that it's so silly and cliché, but why can't we all just get along. I see photos of fathers and mothers returning home to their families after serving for years, not having met their babies, not being able to return to daily living. It makes me so sad. We see these pictures and it affects us for a short time, not realizing that it affects them for a lifetime. I feel for the families. I have never been able to wrap my mind around war, and the purpose and how in the end, it is just pure devastation. So many lives lost, so much trauma, so unnecessary. I just don't get it.
As I scroll through posts on Facebook, I cringe when I see Happy Remembrance Day. Are you serious? Happy Remembrance Day. This isn't Easter or Christmas. This is a day to respect our veterans.


Brinley wants to be a big girl now and refuses to sit in a high chair. Ok, so we let her sit in a booster seat at Boston Pizza and it went well. She stayed seated and ate her meal.
Tonight, at our kitchen table, she kept standing on the chair and guess what?? Yup, went down on her head. Thankfully she landed on the mat. Not that I enjoyed the fall but I'm hoping she wants to go back in the high chair. I like to keep the mess contained. :)
Some days I look at Brinley and see such a big girl. She's getting old! I kind of like it, I like the changes and I like how her personality is developing. She is calm and happy, yet extremely spicy and fiery with not a huge amount of patience. It's a nice mix. :)


Adele is doing well. She is smiling and then smiling some more. She smiles so hard that her little eyes turn to slits. It honestly takes away all of your stress and worries. She is infectious. She makes people happy. She draws others in. I love how this little girl has already made so many lives happier. I was chatting with a new friend today. She has twins, one with Down syndrome and the other is a typical little girl. Typical? One without Down syndrome? :)

Part of our conversation....


Our daughter was born with Pulmonary Atresia (severe heart defect) and 3 holes in her heart. She has a pace maker, Gtube and has been on oxygen all her life. She has gone through 29 surgeries and countless blood transfusions and procedures. Despite everything she is our everything our "hero". I am glad to help you with anything as when my girls were born I had no one and I was lost & scared.


Do you ever get to the point where you say that it just isn't fair and you feel bad for bringing her into the world? Did you ever feel that way when she was just a baby? I look at what we've been through and to be honest, we are lucky with Adele's health, but I have moments where I wonder if it's fair. I love her with every ounce of my being, I just feel bad sometimes. Make sense? Do I wish I terminated? No way. Not a chance, just feel bad.....


Honestly I have never felt that way because I knew she would be loved and cared for unconditionally. I think that's why she was chosen for us, she has made me a stronger person in so many ways.

I love the stories and I love the support.

Another friend...


Oh! I was going tell you! I read your blog the one where you were talking about wanting your blog to make a difference in someone who is pregnant with a baby with DS. That would be me! I wasn't going to terminate but your blog was very therapeutic for me during my grieving process of the diagnosis coupled with being dumped because I didn't terminate. Even though we both don't have this figured out it was nice to find someone with similar emotions and experiences to what I was having (at nearly the exact same time I was having them!) Adele and E are so completely different for us now but when I was pregnant your blog helped me cope with that.
Your blog helped me through the diagnosis, pregnancy, and there after.

Getting that diagnosis and all the events following can make you feel very lonely and your blog showed me I wasn't alone.

When she told me this, it just made everything worthwhile.

I hope you had a chance to watch Adele's video. I made it for the girls. I made it to show others that it works out. I made it to show that Adele and Brinley have a bond so strong that your heart melts. I made it to remind myself that Adele is our gift, our miracle.

I'm slipping......but coming back :)

**You may have noticed the Top Mommy Blog badge on my page. Feel free to click on it. One click counts as one vote. After you have clicked on the badge, you can check out other blogs too. You can vote once every 24 hours. Just a click! :)

If you want to rank my blog or leave a comment.....I am in the Special Needs section....I am number 19 (BOO), I need to get to number 1! I am not doing this for my ego, I am doing this because this journey is important to me, it is important to share and to hopefully educate, entertain and show others that it can be done. I've said for a while now that these two girls, with the help of family and friends, will change the world! :)

9 November 2013

Adele's Journey!! :)


I'm slipping......but coming back :)

**You may have noticed the Top Mommy Blog badge on my page. Feel free to click on it. One click counts as one vote. After you have clicked on the badge, you can check out other blogs too. You can vote once every 24 hours. Just a click! :)

If you want to rank my blog or leave a comment.....I am in the Special Needs section....I am number 20 (BOO), I need to get to number 1! I am not doing this for my ego, I am doing this because this journey is important to me, it is important to share and to hopefully educate, entertain and show others that it can be done. I've said for a while now that these two girls, with the help of family and friends, will change the world! :)


7 November 2013


Just a few pictures that make me smile....


I'm slipping......but coming back :)

**You may have noticed the Top Mommy Blog badge on my page. Feel free to click on it. One click counts as one vote. After you have clicked on the badge, you can check out other blogs too. You can vote once every 24 hours. Just a click! :)

If you want to rank my blog or leave a comment.....I am in the Special Needs section....I am number 17 (BOO), I need to get to number 1! I am not doing this for my ego, I am doing this because this journey is important to me, it is important to share and to hopefully educate, entertain and show others that it can be done. I've said for a while now that these two girls, with the help of family and friends, will change the world! :)


4 November 2013

Dear Adele....

Dear Adele,

On Thursday night after your feeding, you jumped :) into bed with mommy for some snuggles. As you were looking at me, your eyes started to twitch and move from side to side and your bottom lip was also twitching, almost like there was a string attached to your lip and somebody was pulling on it....so bizarre.
After you did this half a dozen times, mommy got into a bit of a panic and told daddy that something was wrong and we needed to do something right away. I was torn between calling 911 and Health Link. I know that there is a big difference between the two, I just didn't want to over-react. I sometimes think that I overanalyze, but I also know that as a mommy, you know when something just isn't quite right. It wasn't quite right.
Health Link advised us to take you to High River Emergency.
Not too much happened....your vitals were checked and you were monitored for a few hours.

Saturday, after a feeding, the same thing happened. Mommy called her best friend, who is a doctor, to get some advice. She told us to take you to ACH, as they will do a thorough examination and we would get some answers.

We were seen immediately and the tests started. The Respiratory Therapist came in to check your blood gasses, mommy was ok with a little heel poke. We thought that maybe that would be it for blood work. Nope. An IV was going to be started, a catheter inserted to get a urine sample and more blood needed to be drawn. Mommy had to leave the room. Daddy was a trooper.

I had to go to the end of the hall so that I couldn't hear your cries. It was breaking mommy's heart. It was so tough. I wanted to be the one getting poked and prodded. I wanted to take away your pain. Mommy returned to the room and you were very distraught. You were crying so hard. You were so upset. Mommy came over and I put my hand on your forehead, kissed you and told you how much I loved you. You stopped crying instantly and the tension from your body released. You calmed down. I cuddled you and reminded you over and over again that I loved you so much.

An EEG was preformed the following day and it came back all clear. Your blood work also showed no signs of seizure activity. There was a huge sigh of relief. Mommy and daddy were happy that the results were positive. The neurologist is going to follow and monitor your progress for the next while, just to make sure that you remain healthy and seizure free.

I am writing you this letter Adele, because sometimes mommy feels defeated. Sometimes mommy feels so helpless and useless. I worry about you Adele. I worry about your health. Mommy still questions at times, was it fair to bring you into this world, knowing that the journey would not always be easy.?? That there would be many obstacles and bumps along the way. You don't deserve it. It just isn't fair. There is no other way to put it, it just isn't fair. I wonder sometimes, was it for my own selfish reasons that I continued with the pregnancy? Mommy was far along in the pregnancy, almost halfway when daddy and I were still talking about your health and just how fair it would be to bring a child into this world who will have challenges. Mommy would always tell daddy that I couldn't go into the hospital, be induced, deliver a baby and leave with nothing. How would we leave the hospital without a car seat? How could I deliver a baby and say goodbye? How is that right?

It just makes me sad that this journey that you are on, has been difficult. You are only three months old and you have endured so much. When I look into your eyes Adele, I see strength and hope and love. I see right into your soul. I see this beautiful angel who has impacted so many lives in such a short period of time. I see that you have changed so many views and you have done this, not only in High River, but all across the world. You have brought so many special people into mommy's life and I love you for doing this, as it has made me a better person. You have made me a better person. My three month old has taught me the value of diversity. You have taught me that by having an extra chromosome, it has made you one extra special little girl. You have taught others that love is unconditional. You have encouraged others to find out more about Down syndrome and have shown so many just how resilient and beautiful you truly are....so beautiful.

Mommy gets scared sometimes about what lies ahead. Mommy fears the worst. I fear more hospital visits. I fear that you will develop cardiac issues. I fear that you won't be happy with your life. As a parent, you want your children to be happy and healthy. Bringing you into this world, mommy and daddy were well aware that sometimes it will feel like we are only taking steps back while in our minds, as parents, we should be working harder, we should only be taking steps forward. I don't want to feel defeated Adele. I don't want to feel like I have failed you. I don't want to feel that I didn't do everything possible to make sure that you were always moving in the right direction. I want you to smile. I want you to wake up knowing that you are such an amazing, perfect, loved and precious angel. I don't ever want you to look at mommy and daddy and wish for better, or to feel that we aren't doing our job.
I am your mommy Adele. I will always look after you. I will always love you. I will always be your advocate. I will always hug you when you need a hug. I will always lead you in the right direction. I will always show others that you came into this world for a reason. You were given to us for a reason. You have this diagnosis for a reason. You have changed so many lives for a reason.

It's just hard sometimes. Mommy feels drained. Mommy feels tired. Mommy told daddy the other night while I was cuddling you, I was close to my  breaking point. I could see all these bandages on your arms from taking blood. I saw bruises from the needles. Your little hand was all taped up with the IV poking out. You were exhausted. You were so spent. You were sad. You wrapped your arms around mommy and you held on, truly, you held on. I held you tightly, kissing you again and again. I rubbed your back. I rubbed your head. I reassured you that it was going to be ok. I was sad. Mommy plays through her mind often that it will get better. Others have told me that it will get better. I know, but I am living this right now. I am going through it right now. I need to acknowledge the journey that we are taking at this very moment.

When mommy feels that the road is bumpy and the thought of giving up enters my mind, I always listen to the same song. It reassures me. It tells me to carry on. It tells me that it will be ok.

Carry On - By Fun

I love you Adele.


PS....please don't feel that I am in a slump or depressed. We have a great life, filled with joy, happiness and a lot of laughter. When we hit a bit of a wall, it's tough. It's therapeutic for me to write about the journey and it's important for me to share with all of you. xo