Our lives are so incredibly hectic, filled with appointments, diaper changes, feedings, therapy, snuggles and kisses. All of our attention is focused on our children. We neglect our partners, we forget what it was like so long ago. In our home, we have two little ones who are 16 months apart and we have devoted all of our love and energy towards our children. We have completed neglected each other's needs and wants, but have not done this intentionally, but rather, we just kind of put the other person to the side because we have two sweet girls who need our attention. They need us twenty four hours a day. This mommy/daddy job doesn't stop, even when they are sleeping.
James and I lack affection. We lack excitement. To be honest, we lack a lot of things. I knew that being a mom would be a lot of work, but I didn't realize that I would lose myself. Some days, I feel like I am only a mom. Just a mom. I have lost my identity. I used to be a teacher. I used to more than just a mom.
I promised myself that I would work on balance and my well being. I continue to fail miserably. It's actually funny how terribly I fail in this department. I feel some days that I have hit a wall, a huge, gigantic, brick wall.
Get up.
Feed and water kids.
Change diapers.
Sit on the potty.
Nap.
Lunch.
Change diaper.
Sit on the potty.
Nap.
The monotony of the day can be grueling. Yes, that word is pretty extreme, but it can make for a long day if it's -30 and we are not leaving the house.
So.....the other day, my mom called and offered to watch the girls while James and I go out on a date. I hesitated because mom doesn't have the best luck with Adele...there are usually tears and barf involved. Mom never complains, but I feel bad when things don't go smoothly. Because of Adele's needs as a baby, we didn't leave her with others, so now she is adjusting to having other family members take care of her.
So.....I thought, screw it. Mom can do it! She's been around lots of barf and shit! We are going out on the town! A nice romantic dinner, maybe we'll hold hands, kiss each other deeply while sitting in a corner booth, surrounded by candles and cloth napkins. I am going to wear a pretty outfit, add some extra mascara and give these lips an extra coat of gloss. Lip gloss can make any date better.
James would be home at 5:00pm, we will run out the door, laughing and singing and soak in every minute of the two hours that we had....all alone...no children.
James walked in the door. I got dinner all set for grandma and the girls. I got the plates out, the rice was ready, the chicken was in the oven. I didn't avoid cooking a meal, but that's ok, I was going out on a date with my husband.
We get in the car, I didn't change. I am still wearing my Lulu Lemon pants and would you look at that, I'm wearing a shirt that is from Wal-Mart, no it's not a shirt, but I wear it as a shirt, it's actually a pyjama top. It's ok, I fluffed my hair and put on lip gloss. I look decent.
We decide on Original Joe's...no kids allowed. We pick a small table right by the teacher staff party table. It's ok, we can still make this romantic. James mentions if he should sit beside me. I laughed. That's cheesy. I make fun of people who sit side by side at restaurants. No, we won't do that.
I ordered a rum and coke.
We are so used to inhaling our food because we are usually feeding two children at the same time. I think our plates were cleared in five minutes. We forgot to hold hands and look madly and deeply into each other's eyes. Damn. I forgot to savour the food and the moment.
I contemplated having another rum and coke. I may get a little frisky if I have one more. Remember those moments in the car, when you were in your twenties, you were more flexible and you weren't on a schedule? Remember those days?
I opted for an iced tea.
We decided that Wal-Mart would be a good choice after our romantic dinner. We needed a potty that we could take out with us and some more potty treats. Of course, since we didn't have any children with us, we spent more money and actually took the time to look at items on the shelves. We didn't have to rush. It was a relaxing shopping experience at Wal-Mart. We waited in line, we were relaxed. What is this feeling that I am experiencing? What is this calmness that has taken over my body? I feel like I could take on the world right now. I laughed at people who had kids running around and who were dodging their parents. HA! HA! I remember those days. I laughed at those who were waiting in line to pay and their children were misbehaving. I was savouring my Wal-Mart experience. I was in heaven........at Wal-Mart.
Our time flew by. The two hours was not a lot of time, but it was nice. We talked with each other. We talked about our day. We took the time to ask each other questions. We went on a date. I love dating my husband. For a moment in time, we experienced what it was like six years ago. It was fun. For two hours, we focused on us. I think I will go on another date with my husband, after all, he is the father of my children. I should at least make an effort to call him again. :)
We walked in the front door and it was back to mommy/daddy mode. Adele barfed up her squash and managed to get it into every little crevice on her high chair. James started stripping it all down. I picked up all of the toys and finished cleaning up the dinner dishes. Brinley needed to go on the potty and grandma was yawning.
I am a mommy. I am a wife. I suck at balance, but I love my family.
