Boy meets girl.
Chat over facebook for a week.
Go on a date.
Fall in love quickly.
Move in together after seven months of dating.
Get engaged after eight months of dating.
Married a year later.
Baby number one.
Baby number two.
The blogging world talks/writes a lot about how difficult it is to be a parent, whether you are a stay at home parent or a working parent. There is this competition and debate surrounding which one is more difficult. My husband should be so thankful that I stay at home with our children. My husband should be so thankful that I go to work every day and bring home a paycheck.
This is where I am at. Yup, it's damn hard being a parent. It's damn hard raising children. It's damn hard finding a healthy balance, a balance where you take care of your babies, take care of yourself and take care of your partner.
I'm starting to realize that marriage is where I need to focus a lot my energy. I think that marriage is possibly the hardest job out of all of them. Without a strong marriage, can you be a good parent to your children? When you are struggling in your marriage, how does this impact your children?
I find myself struggling with finding time to work on my marriage. I never actually thought that I would ever be in this position. You get married. You have children. You are happy.
I am not happy with how much time and energy I am putting into making my marriage work. I am lacking in this department.
Our routines are set and we follow them, which doesn't include any time for us. James works Monday to Friday, he gets home at 5:00pm, we eat dinner, he takes the kids to the park, they get baths, it's bed time and then I fall into bed and crave.....sleep. I just really want a good night's sleep.
I don't schedule in, kiss James when he gets home from work.
Get the plates out. Get the food off the BBQ. Get the kids round up for dinner. Serve dinner.
I don't get into bed at night and schedule a good night kiss. I close my eyes and hope that I fall asleep within the hour.
I see my marriage taking a backseat in my life. The life that keeps me so busy.
We are partners. We are partners raising our children. James works so that he can pay the bills and put food on the table. I am grateful.
There have been issues in the past which have put a strain on our marriage. You know, things that happen, where you argue about them, but they never really get resolved? I think we did that with a couple of things. I am the type of person who needs a resolution. It doesn't need to be a full sit down chat that goes on for hours, but an apology and some sort of resolution. I hang onto things. I know that I do. I forgive easily but I don't forget easily. It's a downfall.
James and I are a good match. I am Type A. He is not. I lack a filter. He has a filter. I CAN be relaxed and easy going. He is fairly relaxed and easy going. I like to get things done. He likes to get things done, but more so when he has the time and energy. We both like a nice, clean and organized home. I find that when my home is free of clutter, my mind follows suit. I love my babies with all of my heart. James is the best daddy. He has such a beautiful bond with both of his girls. All of our energy and time goes towards making sure that the girls are happy and healthy and well taken care of. We forget about taking care of us.
We have hit a wall. We are in a place where we don't have time to ourselves. The last time we went on a date, it was our anniversary. We went out for dinner but were back at my parent's house within the hour. I feel guilty leaving my kids with my parents. I feel like I should get back as soon as I can. I need to get over this feeling.....thanks mom. :)
We don't have time to ourselves and when we do, it's at bed time. We have found ourselves caught up in this circle, the same things day after day, when it comes to our marriage.
In the beginning, we went on trips, we took day trips, we went to Mexico, we took naps, we watched movies. That is long gone now. Spontaneity isn't always possible with two little ones. We go out often with the girls and always have a blast, but there is no alone time. None.
My children take up my time. All of it and I don't know how to schedule in "Make Marriage Work."
The routine that we are in, is getting to both of us. I can see why marriages don't last. I can see that when you focus all of your time and attention towards your children and your home, you completely neglect your partner. We are both to blame.
When I was growing up, families stayed together. The majority of my friends, their parents were still married. There were only a couple of good friends, whose parents went their separate ways. It was not common.
Today, I see marriages crumbling all around me. Is there a lack of effort? Is it technology? Why are marriages failing? Are we too caught up in things that just don't matter? Do people still value marriage? Do we go into marriage without really thinking about what it entails?
Don't get me wrong, I wake up happy and I am madly in love with my family, but there is an area that needs work. It needs to be my focus, but I don't know how to focus on it. I don't know where to start.
Do I write a list? Do I plan a date night and hope that somebody will watch the girls? Adele doesn't do well sometimes without her mommy and daddy and I worry that it would be an unbelievably painful experience for a babysitter. Do I consciously make the effort to kiss my husband after work? Do I need to work on myself first before I can ensure that my marriage will be successful?
It seems like there are so many things that get in the way of working on my marriage. We need to find that excitement again. Those feelings that we had when we first met. How do you get that back when you have two little ones?
I need to continue to work on myself and my own self esteem.
I need to continue to strive to make this marriage work.
I need to continue to be the best mom that I can be.
I need to continue to take care of me.
I need to find a balance.
I need to drink more. ;)