TUESDAY???

Adele :)

Yesterday, I spent most of the day with Adele. The nurse practitioner went over all of Adele's results with me and I truly appreciated that she took her time to explain the tests. We discussed the x-rays, the echos and the blood tests. I saw all of the results and I could see that the right lung, in the upper lobe has a bit of white cloudiness, which means either pneumonia or perhaps a partial collapse. A repeat x-ray is scheduled for tomorrow and I am hoping that it is all clear. If the doctors still see the damage, she may order a round of antibiotics. I am ok with her getting some medication but then I worry about a yeast infection. Good lord.....one thing, another thing and another thing.

I am smiling in this picture...I promise! :)

Adele is back in isolation because she had a nose swab done yesterday. I can't stand isolation, it's all about me. I am too much of a heater to wear a mask, gloves and a gown. The nurse practitioner told me today that the swab was either dropped on the ground or it wasn't sealed properly. My first comment "do I need to wear this gown again for another 48 hours?"
Thank god the results should be back tomorrow. I love that they are very pro active and are covering all of their bases before Adele is allowed to come home. We are thinking Tuesday now. We purchased the car bed, so we took the car seat home. Now, we are being told that she may go home in the car seat. I try so hard to be flexible and I want to be flexible, but I am also black and white, grey doesn't work for me. I know that our sweet peanut is very unpredictable, but come on Adele, let's get moving!! :)

My last post talked about my uncertainty of having Adele and if it was the right choice...more so if it was fair to her....do you put your babies through all of the pokes and prodding? You think of the future and come up with all of these whacky ideas of how Adele's life will be....it was a tough day. I felt so bad for her and was upset and my emotions were running wild. I received a whole lot of support from friends and the messages that were sent just confirmed that we did make the right choice. It might be difficult sometimes for Adele but it's also going to be difficult sometimes for Brinley. We don't know what the future holds, but what we do know is that these two girls have so much love and support and that is unconditional.
One of my dear friends sent me a message. She has helped me get through this journey and I know that she's good because she is number 14 in the top blog category for Down syndrome. It's like she's famous!! I'm still hoping to make that list! ;)

I just read your last post. Damn you for making me cry first thing in the morning!! Krista, you made the right choice in having little Adele. Things are tough right now, but they won't always be like this. She is going to have an awesome life. And everyone struggles in life, not just people with Ds. Everyone has struggles specifically their own. Adele will have her own now and then, but struggles, challenges, obstacles, do not make a life not worth living. Never question your choice to bring her into this world. She was meant to be. You and your girl were meant to take this path together. You Made The Right Choice.
Alright. Enough mooshyness first thing in the morning. Sending you much love. Stay strong, you will get through this rough patch.

My heart feels pretty good right now. My mind feels pretty good.

I went to the OB today for a check up. I knew that it wouldn't be invasive as I am not breast feeding, so things are not quite right down there at this moment. Now, if you want to make a comment on the breast feeding, DON'T...I don't want to hear it. My boobs don't work. I don't feel like a failure. I refuse to pump every 2 hours to get 10 mls of milk. I refuse to overdose on milk producing drugs again. I told the nurses that having a lactation consultant talk to me about the importance of breast feeding would result in a very tense conversation with possible violence. Funny thing, I've been in the clear up to this point. One of my closest friends Katie, is certified as a consultant and she told me with Brinley that you do what you want to do and what works for you and your family. Formula is feeding her belly. She is getting lots of nutrients. She is gaining lots of weight. The only problem, her butt stinks so bad. The nurse told me today that they have taken her dirty diaper to the other side of the NICU just to piss off a nurse! HA!! HA!! HA!! I love it!
The OB asked me what we would be doing for contraception.....I almost laughed. Right now, abstinence is what we are practicing. It seems to be working so far with not getting pregnant again. I told her that before any action starts up, James will need the snip snip, as well, seven or eight other forms of contraception will be in place. She recommended Mirena. Any input??? I am so scared. Those little swimmers need to die!

Today has been a good day. I don't feel like crying, which is a great thing. I don't like to be weak and cry. I feel like I should be strong and prove to people that I can do this and I can handle all of these ups and downs. On the other hand, I like sharing my vulnerable side and letting others know that sometimes I need advice and help. Sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on and sometimes I need to yell and scream and vent. I guess I can't always be strong.

Mom, put this on me! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!!

One more thing....I have a new friend Christina who is a very busy mom, but always checks in, every single day and who has been a great support since Adele was born. Our kiddies are the exact same age and we live only minutes away from each other. I get to be me when I am chatting with her...it's nice cause for those of you who know me, that can be scary.

Happy Thursday! :)