Invincible....

YES!!! AGAIN!!!

Well it's only 8:00am and I could already use an Orange Julius! That's sad. I wonder if I can make my own at home. Going to have to research.
I had another dream last night, I dream this one quite often. I am at work but at the school that I only spent 2 years teaching at, and I always check my teacher mailbox in the staffroom. It sounds silly but it happens in each dream. I think I miss teaching and seeing the kids but obviously at this point, I won't be heading back, maybe later on once the girls are in school. It's tough sometimes not working but on the other hand, it's lovely.

One of my high school girls contacted me yesterday and I was so excited to hear that she is doing well. She wanted me to be a reference for a position that she was applying for at a cleaning company. She is a good girl, bright and very capable. I worry so much about the girls and hope that they are making healthy choices. I've told them so many times that they are not invincible, but I know that at the age they are at, it's hard to believe that they can't get through anything, binge drinking, drugs and high risk behaviour.
I remember clear as day...I was teaching and a few past girls called the classroom because they heard that one of their former classmates had died. I knew that it wasn't true because this girl was awesome and finding her way in the world. She had just moved to Regina to live with her dad and to continue to get her life on track. Her and I had such a great bond. I just adored her and knew that she would succeed. I told the girls that I would contact her mom and grandparents and get back to them as soon as possible. I called the family and left messages on both phones asking for them to clear up the rumour.
Mom called me back within the hour and when I answered the phone, I could hear on the other end that it wasn't a rumour. There was no way! There was just no way!! Thank God the rest of my girls were in therapy when I took the call as I just broke down and to be honest, I didn't know what to do with myself. I paced the hallway and cried and questioned and bashed people and cried some more. I called my principal, she came down to sit with me and comfort myself and the behaviour support worker. We were just devastated.
I attended to funeral in Regina with my sister and it was tough, very tough. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had died.
I learned from her mom that she had gone over to a cousin's house, who had been recently released from jail and coming off of heroin. She had methadone in the house, in the form of orange juice. My student drank the orange juice, I truly believe that she didn't know what it was then she had some valium. One drug speeds up your heart rate and the other slows it down. She didn't feel well, so she went to bed early on in the evening. An older man who was over at the time, followed her to bed. I guess her heart stopped at around midnight but nobody called for help until 3:00am. How sad!
Her mom has tried to get a more thorough investigation into the case but has been told many times that her daughter lived a high risk lifestyle and it was more or less expected that something like this would eventually happen. They didn't know the girl I knew...kind and funny and considerate and one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She was just the best.
I think about her often. Her mom gave me some of her favourite possessions, which I still have and look at often. Her mom texts me once in a while to check in and give me an update on her life, which it sounds like she is healing and coping with the loss of her daughter. I couldn't imagine the roller coaster ride that she is on every single day.

Next thought, I am off to the OB next week as well as another ultrasound. I'm hoping that the wait at the OB's office isn't as long as last time, but grandma is going to stay here with Brinley so she can have her nap. Gotta love grandma!! I am looking forward to the ultrasound and hopefully we are able to get a good picture of Little Bean. We haven't had one since week 12 and she was just so small, maybe they can even do a 3D shot. I'll ask. I'm hoping that her growth is still on target and that her heartbeat is still strong and consistent. I think with Brinley, I took her health for granted when we went for ultrasounds. I just assumed that all was good and everything was on track. I never really worried too much about the high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. I just figured that all would work out just fine. With this little bean, I worry about all of it....I pray sometimes that all remains on track. I can't wait to hold her and love her and kiss her and tell her that she is perfect and beautiful.

I need to go hang with a baby who is a bit cranky today. We even called auntie to have a chat but Princess Brinley was so moody that we had to get off the phone. Crazy kid!!

I hope you have a wonderful Thursday....this is the longest week ever. :)