I AM SOOOO COOL!!!

James decided to go to bed at midnight, I had no idea. I had to get up at my normal 2 hour interval to pee, go into the bathroom and there is my 6'4" husband laying in cold water in the tub reading his book! He looks at me "HI BABY!!"  I don't think I said too much because I like to keep myself in a sleepy state! Went back to bed and fell asleep.
Well, 2:20am rolls around and James flies out of bed...
J - "Where's Brinley?"
K - "What?"
J - "Where's Brinley?"
K - "What?"
J - "Where's Brinley?"
K - "In her crib."
J - "Oh yeah."
K - "Are you having a nightmare?"
J - "No, I just couldn't remember where she was...."
K - "Hmmmm....ok."
Took me 45 minutes to fall back asleep! Boo.

Yesterday, I decided to check out some mommy and tot groups in the city. Brinley loves music, so I thought maybe I could find a good one for her, before baby makes her grand debut!
I found a couple and I had this flash before my eyes.....some of you have messaged me and think it's hilarious that I did this...no, no...it's just my imagination, what I think would happen!!! It may make it less funny now. ;)

I show up in my Lulu lemons, all stretched out in the front to accommodate my ever-growing belly, walk into the house and find myself surrounded by a dozen women, drinking their short, half soy, half milk with cream mocca vanilla latte with splenda and decaf, skim, extra hot wet caramel latte with whip' with a triple shot of caramel macchiato with skim milk, light foam, and extra caramel sauce lining the sides of the cup no whip but a pinch of nutmeg in a Venti cup, and an extra shot of vanilla. ALL NON-FAT!
I walk in and I can see that some of the women gave birth the week before and they are sporting their skinny jeans with no spanx. I say hello and sit down because I can't run now, I'm stuck in this hell!
The host of the party has provided some delicious canapés for all of us. A piece of cucumber on half a melba toast as well as cherry tomatoes that were organically grown in some place far, far, far away. If you are still hungry after your treat, you can grab a handful of chia seeds to top it off. I sit, drinking my Tim Horton's coffee because I like fat in my coffee.
One of the women then asks me what I do for a living. I feel confident because I can actually say that I am a stay at home mom, so they will think I have money. Then the next question, but what do you really do? I am proud to be a teacher. I AM A TEACHER. Then I hear from a few of them that they think it's cute and ask if I needed to go to school to become a teacher. They giggle.  I swear under my breath. I can't leave yet. They ask me what my husband does and I tell them that he locates underground utilities for oil and gas companies. I hear again that it's a cute job but does he come home with dirty hands??!??? He sure does. They giggle.
I ask them what their husbands do for a living...I don't know why I ask because I am just digging a big hole, actually I wish I was in that hole and somebody was pouring the dirt on top of me. One woman tells me that her husband is the Chief of Neurology at The Foothills Hospital. I ask if he needed to go to school for that?? She glares at me.
The other woman tells me proudly that her husband is a plastic surgeon. I ask her if he has performed all of her surgeries? She glares at me.
I think it's all going smashingly well so far. It's then time to go for a walk to check out all the million dollar homes that are for sale in the community. All of their 2000 dollar strollers are lined up and colour coordinated outside of the house. I head to the car and grab mine, unfold it and plop Brinley into her 200 dollar stroller that only has one drink holder. I notice that my new friends each have 6 drink holders and an IPod docking station on their strollers. Oh, and look, they also have remote controls so they can program their stroller, they don't even have to push! That's sweet.
Go for a walk and pretend that I love the homes and decide to tell the women that we are planning on renovating our place sometime in the future. Like get a new towel rack or something. The women share their renovating stories, they had to stay at the Ritz while the house was completely gutted and they hired Nate Burkus to decorate the entire house. I LIKE MY TOWEL RACK!
The walk is over. Thank Goodness!
We all head back to our vehicles. Well, look at that, they all drive luxury SUVs. I put Brinley into her car seat, fold my stroller and hop into my SUV, my Chevy Traverse! I fart and head for the nearest McDonald's.

I'm not too sure if I have a pre-conceived notion of what mommy groups entail.... :)

Have a fantastic Tuesday!!