Some Love For Today.....

A dear friend sent this to me! It's from another mommy blog called Sipping Lemonade...I really needed this today. :) Thank you Jenny. xo

Dear mom who just received a prenatal Down syndrome diagnosis,

I know how you feel.

Except — unlike you, I was holding my new baby, Kate, in my arms when I found out. She was wrapped in a blanket, looking up at me as I cried, listening to the Neonatologist on staff tell me — only minutes after she was born — that she had Down syndrome. And what that meant.
He said that it meant she had an extra chromosome. And that she would have learning delays. He said that it meant she was significantly predisposed to certain medical conditions, including congenital heart defects — and that we should get her heart tested right away. He said that it meant she had low muscle tone and may not be able to breastfeed. He said that it meant she would do things on a different schedule than other kids.
And in those first few days, after hearing those statistics, talking to doctors and researching online, I thought I knew what it “meant” to have a child with Down syndrome. And quite frankly, I was devastated.
And so it is with you.
But let me tell you — from one mother to another — those facts are not what it means to have a child with Down syndrome.
Many of those facts may not even apply to you. Some might, but many might not. I’ve learned this with all of my children. And I never allow generalizations to set my expectations. (For the record, Kate breastfed like a champ and continues to break stereotypes.)
What those facts didn’t tell me about Kate is that — along with almond eyes and slightly lower muscle tone — she would also have my thick, blond hair and full lips. That she’s a Daddy’s girl. That she loves peanut butter waffles and rocking her baby doll to sleep. They didn’t tell me that she’s a nurturing big sister, a doting little sister — and the star in the room wherever we go.
Those facts didn’t tell me that she would make funny faces and dance like crazy to Fresh Beat Band. That she loves to sing. And swim. And go to gymnastics. And unload all of my kitchen cabinets.
What those facts didn’t tell me in all that they “meant” is what she would mean — to me, to our family, to our friends.
I look back on those first days and I remember the feeling of craving normality. I didn’t want to hear how life would be forever altered in some big way and that I would just learn to accept it. I just wanted life to be the way it was before — routine, “normal.”
Will things ever be normal again? I thought.
And then one day — soon — they were. Except they weren’t like before. They were better.
Suddenly, the overwhelming facts and fears faded. Because instead of knowing a diagnosis, I grew to know her.
And so it will be with you.
Because of her life, I have the unique perspective of seeing the best in the human spirit — and not just in her spirit (though she’s quite spirited!) but in everyone else.
In a world where it’s easy to view strangers through skeptic eyes, I have seen an outpouring of love and compassion surrounding her. I have connected to those I wouldn’t have otherwise. I have had strangers stop me on the street — just to tell me how beautiful she is. The world can seem like a scary place for any child, especially those with a disability. But I have met so many who just want to love her.
I cannot tell you what challenges your precious one might have — just as I cannot tell you what challenges anybody’s child will have, “special needs” or not. One aspect of your child’s life just happens to be detectable by prenatal medical technology. But prenatal testing cannot tell you who your child will be, anymore than a fuzzy, black and white sonogram can tell you how your child will look.
When Kate was just a few months old, I went to Target to pick up some groceries. In line that day, I met the mom of a 19-year-old man with Down syndrome. And when I shared that my daughter also had Down syndrome, her eyes softened and she held my gaze with a warm smile.
It was as if we were both part of a secret sorority and she was an old pledge member. She asked me a few questions and before leaving, softly said the words that I’ll pass on to you here:

“Welcome to your beautiful journey.”
 

From my heart to yours,
Lauren

Have a wonderful day today. xo

FARTS...again! :)

LONG WAIT! :)

Yesterday, Ange, Ryder and I went to The Rockyview to have a non stress test done. I figured that we would be in and out! Nope, every pregnant woman in Calgary went into labour yesterday, so we waited and we waited. When I finally got all hooked up, it all went well. There was lots of movement and baby's heartbeat was excellent. It was all good news!
Our nurse was just lovely, she did make one comment that I know was very innocent but it shows just how sensitive I am when it comes to this little bean. She asked me when we found out that she had Down Syndrome. I answered her but sort of felt annoyed. If we knew early on, should we have terminated the pregnancy or was she happy that we had decided to carry on with this incredible journey?
Anyways, it all went great and we are all happy that baby is doing well right now! <3

James and I have decided to take a little mini vacation. My parents have some property in BC, so we will head out there in July for a few days. Let Brinley have some fun swimming and mommy and daddy can relax. Nothing better then having to do, well, nothing. Might just be a good time to get a little relaxation in before we are consumed with no sleep, crying baby and walking around like zombies. :)

My godmother sent me this one.....I've read it before and it totally cracked me up! Enjoy!!

Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man ...of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).
 
It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.
 
He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.
 
We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?
 
That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.
 
On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …
 
My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.
 
HOW DO YOU TELL A MAN YOU JUST STARTED DATING, THAT THE REASON YOU ARE WRITHING IN PAIN IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FART.
 
The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.
 
“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
 
“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”
 
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?
 
Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
 
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.
 
Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).
 
“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
 
“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”
 
“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.
 
“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.
 
It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.
 
Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.
 
We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.
 
He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.
 
I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.
 
Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.
 
“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”
 
“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.
 
“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
 
*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*
 
“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”
 
“Okay, are you sure you’re …”
 
“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”
 
This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!
 
Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.
 
But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s lying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.

Happy Tuesday! xo

Vasectomy and a Pea Bag!

A few thoughts today....

Last night I decided to say my prayers but I extended them just a little bit and added some adjectives and got pretty intense. Usually we say bedtime prayers and we include the health and happiness of our friends and family and we say hi and miss you to our loved ones. My prayer last night went something like this....

Dear God,

I encourage you to plant continuous thoughts in James's head about getting a vasectomy. When I say continuous, I mean, the average man thinks about sex hundreds of times during the day, I want you to switch that to snip, snip, snip and a pea bag to help heal. Please God let the vasectomy work because if I get pregnant again, there will be hell to pay and it will all be directed at James, who let's be honest, is not at fault. Now God, if you feel that James is not quite finished having kids and you think he will leave us in the next 10 years for a tight, 20 year old blonde girl, please let him know that he will no longer be getting ANY in this house. Just put that thought in his head too. Now God, I do not take for granted that we were able to conceive very, very easily and we are thankful that you have blessed us with two princesses....I know that Dr. Phil says that if you start a sentence then say "but", you just erased everything that you said before the word "but." I don't want to say "but"......I am thankful for the pregnancies, _ _ _, I will not do this again. :)
I'm pretty sure God that this little bean is laughing inside of me while she jumps continuously on my bladder, which lately has made walking short distances a challenge. I pee at night every hour or two and sometimes when I think I won't quite make it to the bathroom, I sit down quickly and I hear, "tinkle, tinkle." Really??? That's it?? All that pressure and pain and discomfort for a "tinkle, tinkle." Shame on my destroyed bladder. God, I would also like to ask that you keep my family happy and healthy.
AMEN!

I believe that pregnancy works for some, like the Duggars, but this momma is not a good pregnant woman. How has Michelle Duggar enjoyed 20 years of pregnancy? I mean, 20 YEARS of carrying children and 20 children who have exited her body. Not too sure how I feel about that...scary picture!!

Next, last night I had a great conversation with a dear friend. We were talking about marriage and how now a days, marriage is sometimes considered a novelty and something that is easy to do and easy to get out of. I don't know if it's because of technology, social media, cell phones, internet...is that it? I know of one website that encourages couples to cheat, it is a site for married men and women who are looking for a little fun. The creator of this site is married and his wife says that she approves of the site but does not approve of her husband having an affair. Yup, makes a lot of sense of me! Don't you dare do it to me but I support others doing it to their spouses and partners.
We also discussed therapy and counselling and that men are not always willing to go to these lengths as it shows weakness. I said to her that I see it as the complete opposite. A man who is willing to go to any length to save his message, is a real man.
Now, don't think that I am opposed to separation and divorce. If you have tried and tried and your home has become unhealthy for the family, especially the children, maybe the family needs to consider separation. I just feel that couples give up so easily now a days, yup, we tried, now we're done. When I was younger, it was unheard of, all of our friend's parents were still married, we never even thought about it.
I remember getting a phone call from one of my BFFs, she was crying. We were in grade 9 at the time, heading into grade 10. She told me that her parents were divorced, I was so confused. When did this happen? Last night? She told me that they got divorced when we were in grade 1. WHAT??? I am so confused. I guess, they just didn't want to tell the kids, they wanted them to go through school without worry and knowing that their parents were there for them at all times. Her dad lived in the house the entire time and it was a very healthy relationship, lots of love and support. It was so crazy!!
All three kids grew up to be very successful and productive members of society. Two if them are doctors and one is a lawyer. Her dad moved out that summer and it actually went very smoothly. There is a lot of love in that family.

I am off to a graduation today. One of my former students made it!! She did it! She succeeded and I am one happy teacher. I was so honoured that she invited me to her grad. She told me that her mom and grandma would look out for me, I told her that I am very hard to miss! Large, pregnant woman. :)

Our princess is 15 months! Love you B! :)

Have a wonderful Friday! xo

You Look Weird! :(

Well, I still haven't purchased a new bra, one day! One day!! :)

Yes, we bought a doppler!! We check baby's heartbeat every night just to make sure that her heartbeat is consistent and not climbing!

 :)

Yesterday, we went to my weekly OB appointment at The Rockyview. Baby's heartbeat sounded great, I get so confused, she sounds great on the doppler, but the two ultrasounds, she has the hiccup. I don't know if the doppler just isn't picking it up, or it has resolved itself. I am heading back up to The Rockyview on Monday for an NST, so that'll be a 20 minute test instead of the two minutes with the doppler. The other piece of great news, I have not gained any weight in the past couple of weeks!! I'd say that's awesome and sweet!! It must be all of the exercise that I am getting. HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

I had to include this picture. She may look ticked but she loves her spaghetti! She just gets tired of mom taking pictures, constantly! :)

I've been reading some posts lately, which I try not to read too many DS posts as I get all worked up and start to worry even more. The posts have been about other kids pointing out that the child with DS looks weird. Children are so honest and sometimes hurtful even though they don't always mean to be hurtful to others. I am that mother, as I have mentioned before....my response....well, in my head.

"Well, you know what kid?? You are ugly, have you looked in the mirror lately?? Looks like you hit all the branches on the ugly tree as you were going down. You probably have no friends at school and your clothes are also ugly, they match your ugly face. You probably can't even spell and your mom and dad probably have a messy house and you all swear and pick on others for fun! I hope you trip and fall on your way out of the store and skin your knee and get a bloody nose."

What I should say......what I would try soooo hard to say.

My little girl doesn't look weird, and that's not really a very nice thing to say to somebody. How would you feel (you little shit), if somebody said that you looked weird? It would probably hurt your feelings. Please don't say hurtful things like that to others.

The posts bothered me so much that I dreamt all night about how I would feel, how this little bean would feel. There are a lot of weird looking people out there in the world, I think that little ones with DS are beautiful and perfect. It's too bad that parents do not educate their children on races, religions and differences between people. It's so important to inform your children that we are all unique and special and we all have a purpose and a role while we are here on earth. One day, the bullying and harassment will stop. Let it begin at home.

My friend Kim sent me this message. Her little girl Kaylee is in grade 2.

Kaylee asked me why you were in the paper, so I told her your story and showed her a video and some pictures, she said to me....I think those kids are so cute, I love how big their eyes are and Krista's baby will beautiful on the inside and out.

How sweet! :)

Last thought....Princess Brinley has picked up a new word. She says "baby." It is so clear and so cute and it makes us smile. We have decided to buy her a little dolly for when this little bean arrives. She can have her own baby to feed and change. Hopefully it's a success. I'm just waiting for when she looks at us and asks when this little girl will go back from where she came from. Let's be honest, nothing, after Little Bean will exit this body. I am done.
She also loves to clean. She grabbed a wet wipe yesterday and cleaned her toys, the carpet, the couch and my legs. I love how at this age, they are little sponges. I think I will make her watch me clean the toilets and maybe the grocery shopping. She is on her way to making a man very, very happy!! :)

Happy hump day...I hope it's filled with humps!! ;)

My BOOBS! :)

I decided I should sit down today and write a blog. Had a headache for four or five days now, thought it was the weather until I checked my blood pressure on Saturday and found out that it was probably the high numbers I was looking at that contributed to the pain in my head. At one point I was at 152/108, which we all know is way too high. Boo on pregnancy and blood pressure in the third trimester for Krista!!
Headed to the hospital yesterday to get my blood pressure checked and to check baby's heartbeat. My blood work came back excellent and my blood pressure actually was a decent number at the hospital. Thanks to Ange and Danika for taking me and for hanging with me, such a great family.

So, as I was sitting up in the hospital bed, Angela, my honest and straightforward sister, looks at me and says, "Man Krista, you seriously need a bra. Your boobs are hanging out in your armpits." Are they really that far over when I'm sitting up, just imagine where they are when I'm laying down, probably right behind my back. I thought that the tank tops that I wear under my shirts were supporting me enough, well, I sort of thought that it sort of supported me enough, a little bit, sort of. I have such pretty bras in my drawers, but none of them fit anymore. My boobs are bigger and my rib cage has seriously expanded. I don't know where to find a bra that will fit, properly. Maybe if I actually wear a bra, I would feel a little better about myself and my boobs would look straight forward instead of flapping in the wind. The other thing, I guess about not wearing a bra, what if I get chilly?? I don't want my boobies pointing at others, how embarrassing. One more thing, my boobs seems to me already making some milk, well if I squeeze them. :) Could you imagine, I'm out somewhere, I don't even have the baby yet, my boobs are stuck by my armpits, they are hard and my shirt is stained with milk. I am by far the sexiest woman to walk the planet. My goal, find a bra!!

Last night, we had family dinner minus the parents. Dad has a colonoscopy on Tuesday, I don't know if he wants everybody to know, but we are so proud of him for going and getting this test done. So important for men to get checked. You aren't too proud, you shouldn't be embarrassed, it could save your life. We lost our grandfather to prostate cancer, way too young and that's because he didn't go back for the necessary check up, I don't know truly whose fault it was, but nonetheless, it was total devastation for the whole family.

Anyways, my point about dinner last night was actually some things that the kiddies had to say about pregnancy.
Ryder -"Auntie, your belly sure is big."
Ange - "Good lord Ryder, why is auntie's belly so big?"
Ryder - "There's a baby is her belly."
Just imagine how I would have felt if he asked if I was having twins, or I wasn't even pregnant. I need to get in shape after this little one exits!
Ryder - "Auntie, how did the baby get in your belly?"
Auntie - " Oh no, oh boy, well, hmmmm....ok.....well.....God plays a very big role."
Danika - "Ok, yeah, but how does the baby actually get in there?"
I grab my food, thinking, thinking, thinking, they aren't even my kids, I don't need to answer these questions yet. Ange wasn't saying too much, Bob was changing the oil on the car, James was eating and pretending that he was being distracted by Brinley.
Ange - "A man and a woman love each other and are married and stuff."
Danika - "Ok, but how does the baby actually get in there, in your belly."
Damn you kid for asking this when you're seven years old. Go play somewhere, find a park and run free, don't worry about how babies are made. I really wanted to say that it wasn't that glamorous, it's maybe a minute or so :) of fun, then you have this little being, full of personality and attitude that you have to be a parent to for the rest of your life. You guys are all products of unprotected sex!! HA!! HA!!
Auntie - "God plays a big role and the mommy and daddy have a role and your mommy and daddy will talk about this with you later....many years from now and auntie will not be involved. Actually, auntie will bring Brinley and baby over and your mommy and daddy can bring out the flow chart and teach all of you. Perfect plan Krista, always thinking.
I read last night, one kid told his parents that the kid at school told him that a man and a woman get naked and bump tummies. That is how babies are made!! :)

Danika and Ryder were content with our answers and we moved on. PHEW!!!! :)

I hope you all stay warm today if you live in the Calgary area!! xo

We ARE Great Mommies!!

I think I was super hormonal yesterday. I'm sort of back to my normal self. I think, which could either be frightening to some or a really great thing! :)
After my post yesterday, I had a few really great messages that I wanted to include in my blog today. I'm not including them to toot my own horn, I'm including them because I think they apply to all my mommy friends and how we all doubt our abilities as parents.

My dearest Krista! I want you to know that I think of you and your family all the time! I wanted to give you my 2 cents, love and support!. I want to you to remember that you are the best mom you can be because that's what you worry about. And that all the sayings are true! Like God only gives you what you can handle. It shows you who will be there for you and how much you are loved! Think about this - every child has their obstacles. Wouldn't you want to know the obstacles you are about to face? God is just giving you a heads up of what's to come and reminding you to stop and cherish every moment. :) You get the chance to research and prepare yourself (as much as one can) for little bean. Please do not internalize your fears; you don't want that to be one of the things you share with little bean. :) Speak your fears, let it out and let it be gone. I feel that the only expectation you should have of your children are the special moments that they will give you. Miss Brinley, is so sweet and you not need to worry about her. She will understand everything as Ange and her family will make sure she has the same amount of attention as she always gets. Just think of you with Dani and Ryder. I know you have your fears but you are so loved and all the support in the world! If you feel like you do not have the strength we'll band together a bit tighter for you. Love you lots! xoxo

I have no doubt that your girls will be the best of friends. Look around and see what she will see! You and Ange and the kids! Honestly, I'm a bit envious of what your family has. :) Happy she will be, I can say that confidently and as for health? If she isn't healthy, she will get healthy. Bob will be your strength when it comes to health :). As parents we want the best for our kids but I honestly think if we don't hide the fact that she has DS and act that she is different from anyone of us I think slowly we can change the views. No one wants to be judged but fact of the matter is that we always are. I still feel like some people judge me and act / treat me differently due to my skin colour. Remember its just ignorance and if there's just a bit of light on the subject things will be better. With integration it only shows us that only good things can come when we stand together. God only has the right amount of faith in you. He gave you a wonderful tall (I didn't know he was that tall! Now I don't want to meet him!) husband, a beautiful strong daughter and loving family and friends. I'm so glad and proud of you for starting your blog and that you share your most precious and private moments. (See? strength!)

Hi Krista ... I was at the gym yesterday and this woman was paying for a class. She had her 2 girls with her. 1 with DS and the other not. But what struck me was these 2 girls were soooo happy. They were horsing around, spinning, holding hands and just laughing and smiling. It was so cute and heart warming. The older sister had DS and she would not let her little sister out of her sight. They were both beautiful with blue eyes and thick reddish blonde hair. I thought of you the whole time and was thinking this will be Krista with 2 beautiful happy girls!!

As mommies, we try, we try so hard to make sure that our children are safe and healthy and well taken care of. I think that we sometimes feel that we need to do more, they need more love, they need more support, they need more of everything. We want them in the best mommy and tot groups :), good lord, we know how I feel about those special groups. We want them in the best schools, we want them to have the best teachers, we want them to have a great group of friends. I know that I need to stop and breathe and enjoy each and every moment with our two girls. I need to be in the moment and take in all of the joyous times that we will share with our princesses. These moments will pass and I don't want to regret not enjoying them.

I know that some of my future posts will be about the worries again, but today, my thoughts are to get back to reality and take in the rest of this pregnancy with a smile, when I'm not feeling like a piece of dung!!

Last thought, I went out for lunch with a friend yesterday. Her little guy, Henry, is one month old and around 7 pounds. He is adorable and sweet and perfect. That was Brinley's first time around a very little one. She loved him, she smiled and enjoyed watching little Henry. I had lots of snuggles and she was ok. I know that it was only for a brief time, but it went well. She knows that mommy has a baby in her belly and will point to baby when asked. I know that she doesn't really have a concept of what it means but we want to be consistent and tell her often that she won't be the only princess in this house. :)

Have a fantastic Friday!!

Is This Weather Making Me Crazy??

I was thinking last night that for some who have just started reading the blog, they may wonder why it's called A Perfect Extra Chromosome. Last post was all about my fears and anxiety around mommy groups. I bet some people were like, does the mom have an extra chromosome? WHO??
So, just in case you have just started reading the blog, the little bean that I am cooking has the perfect extra chromosome. :)

I can't write about Little Bean all of the time as I don't always have a lot to say while she is still all snug inside of me. I am looking forward though to writing about all of her strengths and milestones and how much she blesses our lives.

I have been thinking more and more about what she will look like, what will the severity of the Down Syndrome be, will she have severe speech issues, will she develop health concerns after she is born?? I have received several messages since I started the blog and they have all been supportive and I truly appreciate it. I hear that people are proud of us and fully support our decision to continue this journey. I sometimes wonder what decision everybody else would make?? This was something that we never expected, so we never discussed that there could be a chance that baby would have any genetic gifts or health concerns. You ASSUME that all will be just fine. I have such ups and downs and usually now, I just internalize and don't share as much with the family. I don't know how many times I can say the same thing over again to family and friends, that I am scared and I do worry. I've heard from others that she is just a baby and she is our baby. I totally get that but I feel that we are headed into this with so many obstacles, so many hurdles. I think with a child with no known concerns, you just kind of take it all in stride. They hit their milestones, maybe a month or two after others, but they do it. I have the concern that this little one, it will take such a long time to crawl, walk, speak and oh, the thought of toilet training. I worry that my expectations will be set so high and then when she doesn't achieve them or it takes a long time, I will feel like I failed as a parent. I know the reality, I do, so having others tell me to take it one day at a time is all nice, but then I think about my own personality and the fact that I am a teacher, sometimes has its downfalls. I don't need for my children to be geniuses or win all of the sports awards at school but I want them to be.....I don't know the word. Normal is not the word. Average is not the word. Maybe I want them to be independent in the classroom and at home. I don't want my kids to have an aide or wear diapers at age 3 or have to visit the doctor on a regular basis. Does this make me sound like a bad mom?
My brother in law, who keeps things in perspective for me, tells me that I just need to relax. He said the other day that it's good to be prepared for the worst but honestly Krista, expect the best. Maybe she is 1% Down Syndrome. I loved when he said that to me. I know that the family will love her unconditionally, I'm not worried about that. I am worried about being the best mom that I can possibly be. I am worried that I don't do everything that I should be doing for my kids. I worry that I fail and that I don't do all that is necessary to ensure that both of these girls achieve their goals. I worry that this little bean gets more attention and I don't realize it and poor Brinley gets neglected. I worry that Brinley will resent her sister. I worry that what if one day, Brinley gets sick. I worry, I worry, I worry.

Oh for crap sakes, now I'm bawling and can't see the screen.

I am going to meet a friend today for lunch in the city and I am looking forward to it. She just had a beautiful baby boy and am looking forward to some snuggles. It's a good day to get out. :)

I just wanted to send a HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR FRIEND KIMMY!! I hope it's an amazing day! You deserve nothing but the best.

Happy Thursday to my friends and family. xoxoxo